Sweet Medicine

‘Say, Seiko-chan? I need a teensy favour.’ Ruruka drops her head off the end of the bed next to where Seiko sits on the floor. She’s distractingly close.

‘What do you need?’ Seiko says, bracing herself.

‘Well ... it’s a little bit embarrassing,’ Ruruka says. But with her face so close to Seiko’s, she doesn’t seem embarrassed at all.

Still, embarrassing is different, and Seiko is interested.

‘It’s for me and Yoi-chan.’

‘What is it? You want ... a contraceptive?’ Seiko can feel the tips of her ears turn red. She knows she should be able to say it calmly, but it’s Ruruka and Izayoi she’s talking about. She can’t help imagining it, and she can’t help the uncomfortable feeling that brings.

Ruruka scowls. ‘No. Or ... that’s not what I want. Just, sometimes, Yoi-chan needs a little encouragement.’

‘Encouragement?’

‘You know,’ Ruruka says, and giggles. ‘Something to put him in the mood. Or maybe you don’t know.’ And she claps a hand over her mouth.

Seiko looks away hurriedly, tugging at the edges of her facemask and hoping it hides her blush.

‘Seiko-chan.’

Seiko can’t look at her.

‘You can help me, right?’

‘You can’t just –’

‘Seiko-chan, it’s fine.’

‘I can’t just make something like that.’ She can’t say the word. She’ll stutter if she tries; it won’t come out.

‘You can’t?’ Ruruka asks. ‘Or you don’t want to? Geez, Seiko-chan.’

‘It’s not that I don’t ...’ her voice gets smaller ‘... don’t want to. Ruruka-chan, it’s not that; you know I’m always happy to help.’ Internally, she’s cringing. Ruruka appears disinterested as always.

‘I just don’t think it’s a good idea,’ Seiko finishes in a rush.

Ruruka’s face disappears as she sits bolt upright.

‘I’m so embarrassed,’ she says. Seiko glances at her, but stays sitting, hands folding knots.

‘I thought I could trust you,’ Ruruka said. ‘Do you know how hard it was even to ask? And Yoi-chan –’ Ruruka sounds like she’s on the edge of bawling. Seiko can’t really believe it. She knows what Ruruka’s like. Still, there’s a dead feeling in the pit of her stomach.

‘You must think I’m such a slut,’ Ruruka says, and that does make Seiko turn around.

‘No, Ruruka-chan, that’s not it –’

‘I can’t believe you’d think that of me.’ Ruruka has hunched her shoulders in. Seiko climbs up on the bed, but she’s already expecting to be shunned.

‘I better go,’ Ruruka says. ‘You wouldn’t want it to be catching.’

‘Don’t be silly, Ruruka-chan –’ but before Seiko can reach out, Ruruka stands up.

‘I’ll see you next week, I suppose,’ she says, her voice muffled as she leaves.

Seiko can imagine it already: the way Ruruka will blank her at school on Monday. Seiko will be invisible to her, until Seiko does what she wants. Seiko knows what she wants.

If Ruruka wants Izayoi to sleep with her, surely she doesn’t need help with that? They’re always so attached. Or maybe that’s the problem – they’ve been together so long, and Izayoi is so used to her that he can’t read her hints or tell that she wants things to be different. The way she leans into him is the same way she’s leaned into him forever.

Even before the night’s over, Seiko’s got herself convinced that it’s a damn tragedy, and that she should give Ruruka what she wants.

It’s easier than admitting to herself that maybe she shouldn’t give in to Ruruka for once.

---

Ruruka ignores her at school on Monday, exactly the way Seiko has imagined her doing it. It’s almost thrilling, how exactly Ruruka fulfills her imagination. Thrilling, to be rejected so utterly. Because Seiko knows there’s an end to it. She has what Ruruka wants. She’ll leave the medicine for Ruruka to find, and wait for Ruruka to forgive her.

Ruruka has to forgive her.

The anticipation chews at her all day. Sitting by herself, watching Ruruka and Izayoi across the courtyard. Listening to Ruruka chatter before class, acknowledging anyone but her.

It’s not until after lunch that Ruruka finds the container; Seiko sees her fold it in her hand and slip it in her bag.

Ruruka doesn’t look round for Seiko, or say anything. That’s Seiko’s punishment for letting her think she couldn’t have it; even the punishment is thrilling.

And once the punishment ends and Ruruka speaks to her, it’s like the sun coming out, and the end of the rains.

---

Seiko doesn’t dare ask Ruruka whether or not it works.

---

The next weekend, Ruruka comes over to study – she gets to stay the night, in exchange for Seiko her with her homework.

‘I brought snacks,’ Ruruka says. ‘No sweets, I promise.’

They eat together, Seiko helping Ruruka with the equations sure she’ll never use.

‘It’s a waste of time,’ she says, folding her arms over her chest and pouting. ‘Why do they still make us do this?’

‘There’s a curriculum,’ Seiko says. She’s never questioned the utility of mathematics.

‘But we don’t even have to follow the curriculum.’ Ruruka kicks her leg against the chair, and Seiko is momentarily distracted by the shape of her thigh where her stockings cut in. ‘It’s so pointless. I bet you’d rather do chemistry all the time,’ Ruruka says, ‘right?’ She has her tongue pursed between her teeth.

‘Does Ruruka always look this enticing? ‘Pharmacists need other skills too.’

‘Like?’

‘Like ... talking to people.’ Seiko can feel herself starting to blush; she shifts around in her chair, wanting to hide from Ruruka’s attention. ‘Making sure they understand things. What they can and can’t do with their medicines. How to manage side effects.’

Ruruka leans forward on her elbows. Seiko can see her bra peeking above the hem of her neckline, the scalloped edging.

She shouldn’t be looking down Ruruka’s top.

‘Whether they affect men and women differently,’ Ruruka says.

‘What?’ Seiko looks up guiltily. She’d been thinking about Ruruka’s breasts, how they might feel cupped against Seiko’s hands.

‘Maybe some medicines don’t work as well in women.’

‘R-right,’ Seiko says. ‘Some things are only tested on men.’ What does this have to do with the school curriculum? Seiko’s lost track.

‘What about your medicines?’

‘My medicines?’

‘Yeah. Like, are there some that won’t work on women?’

‘Well ... it’s not a matter of work or won’t work,’ Seiko says, and she can’t keep looking down Ruruka’s top like this, but she can’t very well look her in the face either, because she’s sure Ruruka will be able to tell how much Seiko wants to touch her.

Ruruka’s always been good at reading Seiko’s moods, though. Maybe she doesn’t always care, but she always knows.

‘Is it working now?’ Ruruka asks.

Seiko startles. Ruruka’s expression is disingenuously sweet.

She knows, Seiko thinks.

She did this, Seiko thinks.

‘You gave it to me?’ she says. Her voice cracks.

Ruruka leans back in her chair. ‘See, I was kind of curious ...’

‘I can’t believe this,’ Seikjo says. Her face is on fire. Ruruka drugged her, that’s why she feels like this. Why she can’t stop looking at her. And Ruruka knows. ‘I made it for Izayoi; you don’t know how it might have reacted with my medicines.’

‘Aren’t you curious though?’ Ruruka asks, crossing and uncrossing her legs. ‘Even a little bit?’

Seiko’s attention is caught once again by the line of Ruruka’s flesh between her stockings and her skirt. She doesn’t think curious is the right word. She wants to run her hands along Ruruka’s skin and push her skirt up higher, up to the edge of Ruruka’s panties, and ...

Seiko tugs at the elastic of her mask with her fingers. She wants to protest to Ruruka that she’s not interested in girls, but there’s a rush that goes through her when she thinks that Ruruka gave her that drug, Ruruka wanted her to feel like this – that rush proves it would be a lie.

Ruruka frowns at her. ‘Maybe you didn’t make it strong enough,’ she says. ‘What do I have to do, Seiko-chan?’ Even the whine in her voice is appealing.

‘You want me to jump you?’ Seiko says. She could scratch her own face off, she’s so red.

‘It sounds so crude when you put it like that,’ Ruruka says. She pushes back her chair, and goes to lie down on Seiko’s bed. She leans on once elbow facing Seiko, and swings her legs.

‘Take off your facemask,’ Ruruka says.

It’s easier, being told what to do. Seiko can say she’s just going along with it.

She unhooks the facemask and drops it on the desk. Walks across to stand next to the bed, looking down at Ruruka. Ruruka looks back up at her, considering, then turns onto her back. Seiko can tell she’s wearing one of those sculpted bras. Ruruka fiddles with the buttons of her top with one hand; reaches out the other till Seiko takes it in hers, and Ruruka tugs her nearer.

It’s just the drug, Seiko tells herself. Just go along with it.

She’s done a good job, that’s all.

She kisses Ruruka, their mouths meeting at right angles. Ruruka closes her eyes like she’s a princess, her hand tightening on Seiko’s. Ruruka tastes sweet, and sweet tastes dangerous.

Well, Ruruka’s the one who put them in this situation. Ruruka can deal with what comes next.

Seiko disentangles her hand, and she lies down next to her on the bed, their bodies flush. She finds herself trembling as she begins to unbutton Ruruka’s top, pushing through each button individually, her hand brushing against Ruruka’s breasts.

She keeps kissing her, Ruruka’s mouth opening to her, her cheeks flushed. Ruruka is so dear to her, and so infuriating. Seiko can’t believe she’s letting her do this. She can’t believe she intended for her to do this.

Ruruka reaches out for Seiko’s hips, and she pulls Seiko closer, so that her breasts push against Seiko’s chest. Seiko’s hand is still between them, and she can feel Ruruka’s heartbeat. It’s not so fast as Seiko’s is.

Seiko pushes Ruruka’s skirt up, so that Ruruka can part her legs.

‘Is this what you wanted?’ Seiko asks. Her voice shakes, and she runs her thumb along the edge of Ruruka’s panties, her fingers brushing the curve of Ruruka’s hips. She’s amazed at her own daring.

‘Maybe,’ Ruruka says. ‘Yeah.’ She puts her hand over Seiko’s, and moves it over her cunt. And Seiko’s not even the one being touched, but she gasps.

Seiko rubs her fingers over the fabric till she can feel Ruruka’s wetness seeping through. She grinds against Ruruka’s leg; it’s not enough. She slips her fingers underneath Ruruka’s panties, into the slick warmth of her, and now Ruruka’s the one who gasps.

Seiko pushes Ruruka’s bra up so that she can fondle her breasts, pinch her nipples hard. With her other hand, she feels Ruruka buck against her.

‘Hang on,’ Ruruka says, and she sits up enough that she can shrug her shirt off, unhook her bra. She pulls her panties off altogether.

She’s so pretty. So pretty and so conniving, looking flushed and innocent, as if Seiko’s the one ravishing her and she didn’t have anything to do with this at all. Seiko puts her mouth over Ruruka’s nipple, takes it in her teeth and tongues at it, while she returns her hand between Ruruka’s legs.

Somehow just touching Ruruka is better than any time Seiko’s touched herself in her life. Because it’s real. Ruruka’s delicious squirmy noises are real; the way her chest rises and falls; the way she shifts her hips to meet Seiko’s fingers against her clit ...

Seiko would do anything for her.

Seiko lifts her head to kiss Ruruka again: her mouth, her jaw, her neck. It’s typical of Ruruka, she thinks, that she would let Seiko pleasure her, while making no effort to return the favour.

Ruruka cries out when she comes, and presses her hand over her mouth, as if she’s afraid of being heard. But there’s no-one else in the house, only the two of them.

For a moment, Seiko feels like Ruruka might disappear. She’ll pull her panties back on, get dressed and walk away satisfied, leaving Seiko alone and pining.

Seiko takes her hand away, but she can’t stop kissing Ruruka. It’s the drug, she thinks. Or it’s just Seiko herself, desperate for something she’s not sure Ruruka will give her.

She’s surprised when Ruruka flips her over on the bed, when she presses Seiko’s hands down beside her.

‘I guess you didn’t let me down after all,’ Ruruka says.

‘I wouldn’t,’ Seiko says. ‘Haven’t I always done everything you asked me to?’

A frown crosses Ruruka’s face – slowly, as if it’s inimical to the mood she’s in. ‘Seiko-chan, you know that’s not true.’ She pushes her knee between Seiko’s legs; Seiko can’t help but rub herself against her. Ruruka keeps her hands firm on Seiko’s wrists.

‘I can’t do that,’ Seiko says. ‘You know I can’t.’

‘Cos maybe if you would,’ Ruruka says, ‘there’s things I could do for you.’ She wets her lips.

Was this Ruruka’s plan all along? She’s trying to blackmail Seiko into eating her candies with sex?

‘I can’t,’ Seiko says, and she could cry with frustration.

‘Don’t you want to get off?’ Ruruka says. ‘You must be getting pretty desperate. Yoi-chan definitely was.’

Seiko doesn’t want to think about Izayoi right now.

‘C-come on, Ruruka-chan.’ It’s cruel of her to even mention him. ‘What’ve I done to deserve this?’ Is Ruruka going to make her get off like this, rutting herself against Ruruka’s leg? It even seems possible, Seiko’s that hot and needy.

‘You are getting desperate,’ Ruruka says.

‘Please,’ Seiko says.

Ruruka lets Seiko’s left wrist go, and she puts her hand up Seiko’s shirt, caressing her skin. Then she pinches her, hard, and Seiko cries out; somehow, the way she feels right now, even the pain is electric. Ruruka pinches her again, a look of satisfaction spreading over her face.

‘I should make you suffer,’ Ruruka says. ‘It would serve you right. But,’ she says, when Seiko whimpers, ‘you did do good work with this medicine.’

She removes her hand from Seiko’s top and pushes up her skirt instead. Seiko’s panties are already soaked, and she’s embarrassed that Ruruka will see her like this. Even though Ruruka’s the one who made her this way.

Rurka touches her through the fabric, rubbing her fingers where it’s wettest, and she has this little smug smile on her face.

Seiko adores her. Even when she should hate her, should be mortified that Ruruka’s done this to her, she adores her. She’s afraid of Ruruka knowing how much. But maybe, if Ruruka could think of this, it’s always been obvious.

Ruruka pushes Seiko’s panties aside, and slips a finger inside her. Seiko gasps, and rocks forward.

‘Geez, Seiko-chan,’ Ruruka says, ‘you really want it, don’t you? Maybe I didn’t even need the medicine.’

‘Ruruka-chan, please.’

‘Alright, alright,’ Ruruka says. She moves her thumb over Seiko’s clit; Seiko holds her breath, and clasps the bedsheets, and Ruruka keeps rubbing against her and Seiko can only hold her breath so long; she gasps, she lets out a keening sigh that she didn’t even know she could make.

Ruruka’s face has taken on an expression of determination. Like now she’s started, she wants to get this right. As if she could do anything at this point that wouldn’t bring Seiko closer to the edge.

‘Do you love me, Seiko-chan?’ she asks.

‘Wh-what?’

‘Do you love me?’ Ruruka’s face is serious. ‘Or would you have done this with anyone, if they happened to be here?’

‘What do you mean?’ Seiko says. ‘There’s no-one else here.’

She’s so close. Ruruka’s face is as intent as she’s ever seen it, even if she’s flushed too.

‘But me,’ Ruruka says, ‘do you love me?’

Seiko does everything for Ruruka. Everything she can. Even things she shouldn’t. ‘Don’t you know that already?’ Seiko says, and now she’s truly mortified, telling Ruruka that, telling Ruruka that while she comes against her fingers, her whole body trembling, on fire.

‘Yeah,’ Ruruka says. She wipes her hand on the bedsheet. ‘I guess I did.’

Seiko can’t think any more. Maybe when the drug’s effects wear off, she’ll feel differently. But for now, it’s the truth. She loves Ruruka. Even the Ruruka who would use her own medicines against her and reduce her to this ... she loves that Ruruka too.

Hasn’t that always been obvious?

Isn’t it still always obvious?

Ruruka lies down next to her, buries her nose against Seiko’s side, and sighs, contented.

Later, they’ll forget this moment. Ruruka’s satisfaction. They’ll lose each other in an endless cycle of need, and frustration, and badly expressed affection.

Later is later. Seiko loves Ruruka now.