A Neon Genesis Evangelion manga fic.
First published April 2022.
Kaworu x Shinji, 291 words.
When Shinji wakes in the night, he can tell Kaworu is dreaming. Kaworu’s restless way of sleeping has woken him. Is he having a nightmare? It’s none of Shinji’s business if he is. Still, the part of Shinji that knows he should be grateful to Kaworu for letting him stay here is uncomfortable letting him dream on.
Because when Shinji has nightmares, he wishes someone would wake him.
He touches a hand to Kaworu’s shoulder – and hesitates, because he remembers what Kaworu said about how he touches him. Shinji doesn’t like Kaworu in his space, but when Shinji is mad, he always gets in Kaworu’s. Memory is paralysis: Shinji doesn’t speak, but he doesn’t pull his hand back either.
Not until Kaworu wakes suddenly, his eyes opening wide, his breath in a gasp, catching hold of Shinji’s hand as if on reflex, before Shinji can react.
‘You were having a nightmare,’ Shinji says.
‘A nightmare?’ Kaworu responds, but Shinji is hardly sure if Kaworu registers that he is there. ‘Is that what they call a nightmare?’ His gaze slides over to Shinji then. His grip on his hand tightens a moment before he lets go.
‘Thanks for waking me,’ Kaworu says, and he turns away, curling up on himself before Shinji knows if he’s done the right thing or not.
He could tell Kaworu that he has nightmares too. He could ask him what he dreams about – find out what counts as a bad dream for someone who can dispose of a living creature like trash.
But Kaworu has already turned away from him, and Shinji’s not that brave.
Shinji lies back flat, and he counts the seconds as they tick by.
He still falls back to sleep before Kaworu does.