Things Not to Think About

After Jieun broke up with him, Jongwoo just wanted to drink himself into oblivion. He was all ready to let it all out to Seokyoon when he got in the door – how unfair it was; he’d turned his life upside down to be here and now Jieun was dumping him? – except that when he got home, Seokyoon was on the couch with his phone in one hand and his dick in the other.

‘Hyung!’ Seokyoon dropped his phone like it was hot, and he grabbed a cushion to cover himself. ‘You’re early! I thought you were going to be out late …’ Seokyoon trailed off. Perhaps it was because Jongwoo’s eyes were red. Or that the bag he was carrying was weighed down with soju.

‘I got dumped,’ Jongwoo said. ‘Don’t mind me.’ He dropped the bag down on the kitchen bench.

‘Shit, hyung. I’m sorry.’

Jongwoo could hear the wince in Seokyoon’s voice. In other circumstances, it would be comic – if it were a story Jongwoo were hearing from somebody else – Seokyoon trying to be sympathetic when he probably just wanted to finish getting off. Maybe Jongwoo should go back out. It wasn’t like he could sit in the bedroom and drink, knowing Seokyoon was jerking off on the other side of the wall.

Jongwoo took a bottle out the bag, and hesitated over the glasses. Then he thought fuck it and grabbed two, before he headed to the couch where Seokyoon was still sitting with the cushion over his crotch.

‘Hang on a minute,’ Seokyoon said, his voice gone high, but Jongwoo just poured them both a drink like it was any other night.

Once he’d tipped back his first, he said, ‘What were you watching?’

‘Oh, you know,’ Seokyoon said. ‘Porn. Just ordinary porn. Is this actually a thing we’re doing right now?’

‘It’s not like I’ve got anywhere else to be,’ Jongwoo said. He pushed Seokyoon’s glass closer to him, so that Seokyoon picked it up and sculled it. Jongwoo refilled their glasses, while Seokyoon looked at him sideways.

‘You’re saying we should watch porn together?’

‘Why not?’ Jongwoo said. He took a swallow of his drink, before looking up to the ceiling. There were water rings from where it had leaked in the past. Jieun’s apartment had to be nicer than this, he thought; he wished he were there right now.

Gingerly, Seokyoon picked up his phone. ‘I don’t think you’d like this stuff.’

‘Why?’ Jongwoo turned his head. ‘Is it messed up?’

‘It’s not messed up,’ Seokyoon said. ‘Look, if you wanna do this, you choose. It’s probably easier if we use your laptop anyway.’

That was true. Two guys peering at the same phone screen was a bit more intimate than just sitting side by side watching the computer.

Not thinking too hard about it, Jongwoo went to get his laptop. If he looked over at Seokyoon, he could see that his ears were bright red. Maybe Jongwoo should be as embarrassed as that.

What was he doing? Opening up the browser, putting in the URL. Was this meant to make him feel better about his evening?

What sort of porn did Seokyoon like anyway? Was it weird to wonder? No wonder Jieun had dumped him.

Jongwoo stared at the laptop screen, mousing over the previews while Seokyoon squirmed beside him.

‘Hyung, forget it. Let’s watch a movie or something.’

Defiantly, Jongwoo clicked on a video. Now he was as bad as Room 313, probably.

Seokyoon’s eyes were drawn inexorably back to the screen.

The girl in the video, with her bleached hair, didn’t look anything like Jieun – that was the main thing. Jongwoo could imagine – no, he couldn’t imagine going to bed a girl like that. If he tried to go out and hook up, he’d probably just end up crying into his drink and scaring away any contenders. Wouldn’t it be embarrassing if he started crying now?

The girl was cute, though. She had nice tits, that got well fondled before she even had her bra all the way off, and Jongwoo found his dick starting to take interest even if his mind was drifting.

Seokyoon still had the cushion clutched over his lap. He should just let go already, Jongwoo thought; they were meant to be relaxing, right? This was meant to be stress relief. But whenever Jongwoo glanced at Seokyoon, he looked tense.

When the girl started giving head, Jongwoo got uncomfortable enough that he undid his trousers. He didn’t look at Seokyoon, then, but at the swell of the girl’s cheek when her mouth got thrust into. Jieun had never done that for him.

What was he thinking?

Almost idly, he began to tease himself.

He could feel it when Seokyoon glanced over at him, assessing him; but then Seokyoon cast the cushion aside and took his own dick back out. And Jongwoo’s eyes were drawn in turn. Seokyoon might be a little guy, but there was nothing small about his cock. Jongwoo glanced back at the girl in the video, who was now gagging as the guy thrust into her throat. A guy like Seokyoon? Had they even seen the performer’s face?

Why was he thinking about Seokyoon’s dick anyway? Was it because Seokyoon kept glancing over at him? Jongwoo could have told him to keep his eyes on the screen, but for some reason it thrilled him, knowing Seokyoon was watching.

Without thinking too hard about it, Jongwoo reached over to give Seokyoon a hand.

The gasp Seokyoon let out was real. His cock was hot in Jongwoo’s hand, solid. Seokyoon sank back into the couch, no longer touching himself, watching Jongwoo wank him off, while Jongwoo, determinedly, watched the girl on the screen. Watched her offer her ass up to the eager viewer.

This was fucked up.

Seokyoon glanced at Jongwoo again.

‘Hyung,’ he said, ‘let me,’ a breathiness to his voice that sounded sexy. Then he was the one reaching out to wrap Jongwoo’s cock on his hand. It felt good, that intimate contact with another human being, even if it was just your flatmate. A little bit of mutual masturbation to cover that they were both single and pathetic.

What would Jieun think if she saw Jongwoo now? What kind of disappointed face would she make? The same as she’d worn when telling him this wasn’t working out?

Seokyoon a noise like a moan; when Jongwoo glanced over, his face was flushed and his eyes were unfocused. He let his head fall back, while Jongwoo eyed him up. Jongwoo had a sudden wild desire to climb on top of him and put his hands on that throat.

The thought scared him, but not until it had already hit his cock, the urge more arousing than just Seokyoon’s fist pumping his cock was.

Jongwoo had got away but he was still going crazy, he thought. That was the only reason he would have thought such a thing. He focused his eyes back on the laptop, where the girl was taking it up the ass. Wildly, grasping for any fantasy that made sense, he thought about doing that to Seokyoon.

And then, unwillingly, he thought about doing that to Moonjo.

Jongwoo came then, abruptly, coming spilling over Seokyoon’s hand. Seokyoon looked surprised.

‘Wow, you were pent up, huh?’ he said, his breath uneven, and Jongwoo could still too easily imagine putting his hands on the exposed skin of Seokyoon’s neck and squeezing. Instead, he tightened his grip on Seokyoon’s cock, so that Seokyoon moaned again, putting his hand to his mouth like he was embarrassed to have made that sound.

Jongwoo hardly noticed that he was only looking at Seokyoon now. Seokyoon kept trying to look away but every time, his eyes would be drawn back.

‘Hyung,’ he said, ‘I’m gonna come.’

‘Yeah,’ Jongwoo said, and he kept up his motion until Seokyoon’s cock leapt against his hand, and Seokyoon spurted, messing up his jumper. He was red and sweaty, and Jongwoo’s urge to jump him, to hurt him, had hardly diminished at all.

Abruptly, he wiped his hand on his shirt, and then he reached forward to pour another drink.

‘Hyung, you –’

‘Let’s not talk about it.’ Jongwoo emptied his glass. ‘I’m going to take a shower.’

He could feel Seokyoon watching him as he headed to the bathroom. It didn’t matter if they didn’t talk about it, he thought; it wasn’t going to leave his head.

He really was a mess.