Forced Proximity

Kangmo hadn’t been able to believe it, when he and Youngjae had been assigned to room together for the school trip. It was almost humiliating – that after everything that had happened, Kangmo was still expected to suck it up and get along with him.

Not that the school knew the half of what had happened – they all kept each other’s secrets now. But what they did know should have been enough.

Kangmo had loitered as long as he possibly could before heading for bed, wanting to postpone their encounter. When he got back to the room, it was a relief to see Youngjae was already asleep. A relief, or maybe a disappointment. Or maybe that was envy, lurking in his chest. It must have been nice, to fall asleep so easily. As if there was nothing to feel guilty about.

Kangmo started to get ready for bed, but his attention kept being drawn back to Youngjae. Sleeping, vulnerable Youngjae. If Kangmo had been him, he never would have trusted so easily. That was why he’d stayed up so long, wasn’t it? He didn’t want to be vulnerable around Youngjae.

But Youngjae clearly didn’t think Kangmo could hurt him.

Kangmo went and stood over him. Youngjae should have sensed him and woken, but he didn’t. He had an innocent face, sleeping – although he would twitch every so often, as if maybe his dreams weren’t so peaceful.

Kangmo wanted to pay him back. All the pain he’d inflicted. Every moment of frustrated helplessness. Hadn’t Youngjae earned it back?

Kangmo crawled on top of Youngjae, and laid his hands either side of Youngjae’s head. Youngjae didn’t wake; he shifted a little maybe, his body trapped within the confines of Kangmo’s limbs.

Kangmo put his hand over Youngjae’s mouth, and over Youngjae’s nose. Youngjae’s breath was warm against his skin, until Kangmo closed his fingers together, and held them there. And there was a moment when Youngjae gasped for breath, when he would have woken ...

Kangmo jerked back. He held his hand out, like it no longer belonged to him.

Youngjae settled again. Like the danger had passed. But Kangmo’s heart couldn’t have beaten faster if he had been caught. He wasn’t really planning to suffocate Jo Youngjae in his sleep. It was just an idle thought, an idea he could play with – that he could have that power over Youngjae.

When the doctor had held Youngjae hostage against Kangmo’s return, Kangmo had resented him, but still couldn’t have let him to be killed. There had been no satisfaction in Youngjae’s fear, because for Kangmo there had been no choice.

But that was then.

Now, Kangmo didn’t know what he wanted – for Youngjae to wake and feel afraid, if only for a moment? Did he want press this advantage while he had it? Press it so far that Youngjae would never be able to speak of it, for shame ...

Kangmo’s racing heart eased. He traced his fingers over Youngjae’s face, and stopped them over his lips. Then, softly softly, pulling on Youngjae’s bottom lip, he pressed a finger into his mouth. There was no resistance; Youngjae’s mouth welcomed him.

Kangmo swallowed. The front of his pants was suddenly uncomfortably tight. He should not be getting turned on by Jo Youngjae. Even a Youngjae who was completely unconscious to it. But his mouth was so hot ... Kangmo ran his finger over the edge of Youngjae’s teeth, and he had to grind his hips a little, against Youngjae’s unresistant body.

He really was a pervert. It didn’t matter whether he hated Youngjae or not; this was going too far. But he didn’t know if he could bring himself to stop. Youngjae’s mouth was soft and wet, and Kangmo wanted badly to do something that Youngjae couldn’t sleep through. He wanted to wake him, and force him. Even if it ruined them both. Instead he just rocked up against him, so carefully he could hardly stand it. If Youngjae did wake up ...

But he’d never get away with that.

Kangmo’s orgasm came altogether too quickly, washing over him in a flood. The fact that Youngjae was completely unaware ... that only made it hit the harder.

There really was something wrong with him. Coming in his pants, and through his pants, leaking onto Youngjae’s bed sheets ... he was mortified, but it was also a pathetic thrill.

Even if Youngjae noticed, what could he say? He couldn’t say anything. There was no revenge that would undo what Kangmo had done.

Kangmo stood up, and his feet almost fell out from under him. He had to catch the wall to stay upright. He wanted to laugh or he wanted to cry; wanted to get hysterical and throw it in Youngjae’s face. Wanted Youngjae to wake up to yell at him and call him a pervert. To take it out on him.

He hated himself for wanting it.

He let Youngjae sleep. Youngjae had trusted him that much, and it had been a mistake.

Kangmo knew that now, even if Youngjae never would.