A White Christmas fic.
First published February 2019, for PluralForce.
Youngjae x Kangmo, 4661 words.
When Kangmo walked into the meeting and saw Jo Youngjae there, he said, ‘Oh, hell no,’ out loud, where his boss could hear him, and he almost walked back out.
He hadn’t registered the invite list. But Youngjae clearly had, from the look on his face. ‘Cameraman Yang,’ he said. ‘Long time, no see.’
‘You two know each other?’ the chief editor asked.
Youngjae lifted his eyebrows at Kangmo, expectantly.
‘Sure,’ Kangmo said. ‘We’re old school buddies.’ His tone verged on sarcastic for a work meeting.
Youngjae smiled, and Kangmo hated him.
He came round Kangmo’s desk that evening, as Kangmo was finishing up a story.
Kangmo kept his eyes on the screen. ‘You know, I always thought you’d go into criminal law,’ he said. ‘What’re you doing here?’
Youngjae ignored the question. ‘You could be a little more friendly,’ he said, sitting down on Kangmo’s desk. ‘We’ll be working together, after all.’
‘We’re not,’ Kangmo said. He didn’t usually have anything to do with legal; his boss had just been paranoid about defamation lately. But Kangmo had been in the right that time.
‘Seeing each other every day ...’ Youngjae said, his voice lifting in mock nostalgia. He drew short when Kangmo gave him a heavy stare. ‘What?’
‘Can’t we just pretend you don’t know me?’
‘Don’t be like that.’ Youngjae nudged Kangmo with his elbow. ‘Have a drink with me.’
‘No thanks.’ Kangmo turned his attention back to the computer screen. Youngjae leaned over his shoulder, a great tall smartly-dressed distraction.
‘I don’t mind waiting,’ he said.
‘Okay,’ Kangmo said, ‘but I’m going to be till midnight. At least.’
He was relieved when Youngjae left, but it was a momentary respite -- he came back with two coffees. Kangmo thought about ignoring it. But caffeine deprivation must have gotten the better of him, because he took the one Youngjae offered.
Of course Youngjae remembered how Kangmo took his coffee. He’d have to, given how often he’d stolen it when they were teenagers.
Youngjae started to chat again, like he were settling in. Talking about their coworkers. Like he really would wait around all night. Kangmo didn’t need the attention.
He drank the coffee. He filed the story. And he told Youngjae as they left, ‘You better be paying.’
‘I asked around about you,’ Youngjae said, once they were on their second drink. ‘I hear you’re corrupting the youth now, Cameraman Yang.’
‘He wasn’t that young,’ Kangmo said, teeth gritted. Trust Youngjae to immediately find out about his failed love affairs.
‘You’re not going to deny it?’
‘I’m not the one who’s ashamed,’ Kangmo said. He sculled the rest of his glass, and refilled it. ‘But hey, Jo Youngjae, you must really like me. You just started and you’re already checking up on my love life?’
‘I wasn’t checking up –’
‘Sure you weren’t,’ Kangmo said. He lifted his glass for emphasis. ‘It’s just gossip, right?’
‘You just said it was true.’
Kangmo ignored that. ‘And how’s your love life, Jo Youngjae?’
Youngjae looked away.
‘That shut you up.’
‘It’s not big deal,’ Youngjae said.
‘Right, not like my corrupting nice normal boys.’ Even though Kangmo had definitely not been the instigator in that relationship.
Youngjae covered his mouth behind his glass, and he muttered, ‘I’m getting a divorce.’
Kangmo hardly even needed to process that. ‘Ah, so she finally realised what a horrible person you are.’
Youngjae reached across the table and whacked him lightly on the head.
‘Shut up,’ Youngjae said. ‘It’s not like that.’ He sunk back in his chair and turned his glass in his hands. ‘I tried.’ He didn’t elaborate any further.
Kangmo could imagine a lot of stories from I tried. But he felt a little bad about it. And hadn’t he been dumped too? The circumstances might be different – Youngjae’s wife presumably hadn’t felt the need to keep their relationship a secret – but it wasn’t like Kangmo could claim to be any more successful in love.
‘Let’s get another bottle,’ Kangmo said, in a sudden rush of kinship. He’d probably regret it in the morning.
They didn’t talk about what had happened that Christmas, all those years ago. With the letters, or with the doctor. What was there to talk about? Youngjae couldn’t have apologised, and Kangmo couldn’t have forgotten. He’d gone out with Youngjae because – why? Because it had been nice to have someone waiting for him? Even someone he should hate?
He thought maybe it had always been a little bit like that, for the two of them.
At work, they restricted themselves to small talk, careful and non-committal.
It was one of the other journalists who brought up their shared history. Youngjae was complaining about the office coffee when Shin Hyojin interrupted them, forcing an introduction. She’d come to check Youngjae out, Kangmo thought – but her attention sharpened when she heard his name.
‘Jo Youngjae.’ She looked between them. ‘And Yang Kangmo. You went to school together?’
‘See, no-one can keep a secret here,’ Kangmo told Youngjae, rolling his eyes.
‘But Yang Kangmo, you never said you went to Susin High.’ When he looked at her, she smiled awkwardly. ‘I’m right, aren’t I? You were the hostages, that time. I was in high school when it happened, so …’ She grew more awkward in the face of their silence. ‘Sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.’
‘Don’t worry about it,’ Kangmo said, deadpan. ‘It was a long time ago.’
Beside him, Youngjae had gone tense. He smiled tightly, and clapped Kangmo on the shoulder. ‘I gotta go,’ he said. ‘Let’s … later.’
They both watched him leave.
‘Ah, damn,’ Hyojin said. ‘I messed that up.’
‘Yeah, thanks for that,’ Kangmo said, like he wasn’t sorry to see Youngjae go. ‘Maybe try current events next time.’ He met Hyojin’s scowl evenly, and she didn’t push it.
The seven of them had all gone back to school after it happened. It was the best way to seem normal. It wasn’t like it had been comfortable for Kangmo at home, with the fuss his parents made. The school was uncomfortable too, but hadn’t it always been? That the building was a crime scene … it was just another thing to endure.
Instead of easing off, the school put more pressure on them. Couldn’t let a small thing like being taken hostage by a serial killer get in the way of an elite education, after all. Kangmo remembered something Youngjae had said once – one of the teachers had come down on him, told him to leave if he wasn’t going to take things seriously.
‘I can’t go home,’ Youngjae had muttered. ‘I’d probably end up like that.’ Talking to himself, and Kangmo had only overheard him.
He hadn’t known what Youngjae meant by that – like Yun Su? Or like Kim Yohan?
He hadn’t wanted to ask.
Kangmo was asleep on the couch when his phone went. The movie he’d been watching was still playing; it was quarter past eleven. Too late for anyone to call trivially.
The phone went to voicemail before he could get it – one missed call from Plague Jo.
He stared at the phone.
I hope that was a pocket dial, he started texting, or are you that drunk? But before he could press send, the voice message notification came up. He sent the text anyway. He didn’t want to listen to a rambling voice message from a drunk Youngjae.
Immediately, he got a text back.
Call me.
It’s too late, Kangmo wrote. I was already in bed. It was only sort of a lie.
Another text. How much have you told Shin Hyojin?
Told her about what?
What’s your address? I’m coming round.
Kangmo glared at the phone. Can’t it wait? he asked. Why were you even talking to her?
We went out, Youngjae replied. Your address??
Kangmo sent it to him, and tossed the phone away. So Youngjae had gone out with Shin Hyojin. And why shouldn’t he? He was single, after all.
But Youngjae wouldn’t have called him up to skite about getting a date.
He looked back at the texts. How much of what had he told Hyojin? About Youngjae, did he mean? Maybe he thought Kangmo had been warning her off. Youngjae might have called him up if he thought Kangmo had been bad-mouthing him. But he wouldn’t have felt the need to come over on that account.
Kangmo thought about it. When Hyojin had spoken to the two of them at work, she’d recognised Youngjae’s name. She’d known they were at school together.
That was probably it. It was a heavy thought, but Kangmo didn’t feel anything in response. Like a stone thrown in a pond that made no ripples.
He would wait for Youngjae.
It took twenty minutes for Youngjae to arrive. Kangmo let him in quickly, not wanting to cause a disturbance.
‘You saw Shin Hyojin?’ Kangmo shut the door behind him. Youngjae went straight for the sofa, as if he came over all the time. He was pale. Freaked out.
‘She asked me out,’ Youngjae said. ‘I thought she was hitting on me.’
‘Only thought? So her taste isn’t that bad after all.’
Youngjae looked at him blankly, like he didn’t understand the dig. Kangmo sat down across from him.
‘It wasn’t a date,’ Youngjae said. ‘She was digging.’
‘Digging?’
‘She wanted to know about Susin High. About the doctor.’
So it had been that. ‘What did you tell her?’
‘Nothing that’s not already out there,’ Youngjae said. He wrapped an arm across himself. ‘But she was pushy.’
‘I haven’t told her anything,’ Kangmo said. He felt tired. ‘I didn’t realise she was interested.’ Hyojin hadn’t clicked until she heard their two names together. ‘You don’t think … she doesn’t suspect anything?’
Youngjae shrugged.
‘Maybe she wants to write a book,’ Kangmo muttered. Hyojin didn’t cover crime stories, but she had an interest. And if you were suddenly working with two victims of one of the biggest stories of the last decade …
‘She wants a story,’ Youngjae said. ‘It’s not a story if it’s just serial killer’s target still has nightmares eight years down the track.’ He didn’t seem to think anything of the words as he said them, but they struck Kangmo. He wouldn’t have expected it of Youngjae.
Youngjae went on. ‘Do you think we should tell the others?’
‘We don’t need to worry them,’ Kangmo said. He thought about Hyojin. If she was prepared to bother Youngjae ... ‘We’ll just have to be incredibly boring.’
‘You mean, not like murderers?’
‘It wasn’t murder,’ Kangmo said. ‘It was self-defence.’
‘Do you think the public would buy that?’
‘I’m not telling it to the public,’ Kangmo said. He’d told it to himself so many times, and now he told Youngjae. ‘We’re not murderers.’
They’d only done what they had to do.
Youngjae appeared to relax infinitesimally.
‘I couldn’t go into criminal law,’ he said. ‘My mother was so disappointed. She wanted something she could boast about.’ He spread his lips in a smile, without mirth. ‘Divorced and working for a small-bit media company doesn’t quite cut it.’
‘Hey,’ Kangmo said. ‘I work for that company too.’
‘I couldn’t do it,’ Youngjae said. ‘Not when I’ve never received punishment …’
‘Hey,’ Kangmo said again, more sharply. ‘Stop feeling sorry for yourself. We did what we had to do.’
Youngjae smiled again, bitterly. ‘And if Shin Hyojin kept asking questions?’
Kangmo felt chilled. ‘It won’t happen.’
‘I’m just saying,’ Youngjae said. ‘I want to know where the line is. Between murder and the other thing.’
Kangmo wondered if he were drunk.
‘All she’s done is ask questions, right?’ Kangmo said. ‘I’ll –’ He didn’t know what he’d say. What would make her back off if she did suspect something? ‘I’ll talk to her,’ he said. ‘You were upset, right?’ Convincing himself. ‘You’re more sensitive than you seem.’ It was probably even true.
‘What?’
‘I’ll talk to her.’
That night, Youngjae slept on his couch. And Kangmo had nightmares.
It was the dream about Oh Junghye, expect that when he saw her face, it wasn’t Junghye at all, it was Shin Hyojin. She was dead, and it was his fault. Because she’d gotten close … she’d had to die …
He woke up.
No point trying to get back to sleep when he felt like this. He got up and padded to the kitchen, guiltily aware of Youngjae on his couch.
It was stupid. Just because Hyojin had gotten nosy didn’t meant they’d have to kill her. They’d survived all the questions back then, hadn’t they? The cops had been suspicious, but the seven of them had stuck to their story, and the cops couldn’t do anything about it.
Or maybe they’d chosen not to. Kangmo had always wondered about that.
When Youngjae stuck his head up over the back of the couch, Kangmo almost dropped the glass he was drinking from, water sloshing over his hand. Youngjae mouthed something at him, and Kangmo had to say, ‘I can’t hear you.’
Youngjae disappeared again, to reappear with his phone. He held it out to Kangmo. Your couch sucks, he’d written.
‘Sorry, did you want me to ask you to bed?’ Kangmo said, drawling. He gave the phone back. In the glow from its light, he saw that Youngjae was pissed off, and he smirked. Only momentarily.
Because when Youngjae had first mentioned going out with Hyojin … he’d been jealous, hadn’t he? So maybe he shouldn’t make jokes like that.
Youngjae held out his phone again. He’d written, Isn’t that why you told me to sleep over? But you’re a wuss.
Kangmo stood abruptly. So Youngjae had known what he was thinking. ‘It’s not like that,’ he said. He couldn’t tell how loud his voice was; he was afraid he was raising it.
Youngjae said something, but Kangmo couldn’t see what. He still had hold of Youngjae’s phone. He didn’t want to hand it back, if Youngjae was going to make that sort of comment.
Youngjae leaned over, and nudged him with his hand.
Kangmo dropped the phone on the coffee table, and said very quickly, ‘I just wanted a drink – I’m going back to bed.’
He didn’t sleep again after that. Youngjae was worse than nightmares.
In the morning, Youngjae didn’t mention anything about their night-time conversation. He’d made them both coffee, and they ate breakfast together.
Kangmo wasn’t sure what to say to him. He rambled about work instead, but that made him think of the conversation he’d promised to have with Hyojin. He wasn’t sure what to say to her either.
It was weird, getting ready for work with Youngjae. Kangmo’s ex had always insisted he couldn’t sleep over, or that he had to go home first in the morning. It was one of the things that had frustrated Kangmo.
He shouldn’t be comparing Youngjae to his ex. Not even tangentially.
But the time when he’d hated Jo Youngjae was years ago. Back then, he’d thought he’d hold a grudge forever. Except he’d never been able to hate him properly after what happened with Kim Yohan.
They’d all been messed up, then.
He waited for his second coffee before he confronted Hyojin. When she went to greet him normally, he interrupted her. ‘You can’t write about us.’
She broke off. ‘What?’
‘Jo Youngjae and I. The others. I know it’s just a story to you, but it’s our lives. We lived that.’
‘I wasn’t … Jo Youngjae said something?’
‘Yes, he said something.’
Hyojin blinked very quickly. ‘I didn’t realise you were that close.’
He frowned at her. ‘He came over. He was upset.’
‘I didn’t mean …’ She clicked her tongue. ‘I wouldn’t have bothered if I’d known.’
‘What?’
‘So I was a bit nosy. I was nervous. And now you tell me there wasn’t even any point …’
The way she lowered her voice, and glanced around the room … ‘Oh, no,’ Kangmo said. ‘You were just hitting on him.’
‘Trying to.’
And now she thought …
‘Sorry,’ Kangmo said.
He should correct her. She was presuming … but he was only presuming she was presuming … she couldn’t actually think he and Youngjae were a couple. Could she?
‘I should’ve known not to bother.’
‘Ah … well, it’s understandable.’
She looked at him with a half-cocked smile.
And now he just sounded like a dork in love with Jo Youngjae. Which he wasn’t. But she thought he was … ‘Anyway, it’s a sensitive subject, okay?’ he said. ‘Not first date material.’
‘Right,’ Hyojin said. ‘I didn’t mean … I’m an idiot.’
He didn’t disagree. It was a petty cruelty, he knew, but even if she’d only been thoughtless, he still felt she deserved it.
After that, he got caught up in things. It wasn’t till he was working through his lunch break that he saw Youngjae. Because Youngjae came over.
Kangmo froze.
Youngjae leaned a hip against the desk and looked down at him. ‘So, why did Shin Hyojin just apologise to me in such a big rush? I mean, I accepted graciously, but …’
‘That’s ...’ Kangmo stood up, and led Youngjae toward the hallway. He didn’t really want to explain the undercurrent of his conversation with Hyojin, and he certainly didn’t want to do it in front of their colleagues. ‘Well, firstly,’ he said, when they were reasonably alone, ‘I think she really was trying to ask you out.’
‘Seriously?’
‘I don’t think she’s very good at it.’
Youngjae frowned. ‘That was “firstly”.’
‘Secondly ... I don’t think she’ll be doing it again.’
Youngjae drew his brows in. ‘Hey, what did you tell her? Did you say something bad about me?’
‘No.’ He could definitely say he had not been bad-mouthing Youngjae in that conversation.
‘Then what did you say?’
‘It’s not so much what I said … she might’ve just got the wrong idea.’
‘Just spill. You’re killing me here.’
‘Sorry,’ Kangmo said. He knew that whatever Youngjae had said in the middle of the night, when he was half-asleep and had been drinking besides, he probably didn’t want to be mistaken for Kangmo’s lover. ‘I just mean she got the wrong idea about us.’ He dropped his voice so that Youngjae leaned in closer. It didn’t help things.
‘What about us?’ Youngjae said. ‘You don’t mean what happened then, do you?’ Youngjae frowned, appraising him. He shouldn’t have been attractive when he did that.
‘She was just jumping to conclusions,’ Kangmo said. ‘Because I’m … I said you came over last night, that’s all. I didn’t imply anything. I mean, I wouldn’t …’
Youngjae looked like he might laugh. ‘No, that would be ridiculous, wouldn’t it? You hate me.’
Kangmo shrugged. ‘It’s just where her mind jumped to. It’s better than the other thing, right?’
‘I don’t know,’ Youngjae said. ‘Maybe for you; everyone here already knows about you.’
‘Well, sorry that you’ve been tainted by association,’ Kangmo said. He pushed back off the wall.
‘Hey –’
‘I’ll see you later. If I can’t help it.’ He’d go out for lunch – he wasn’t going to get any work done now Youngjae had riled him up. He should’ve known Youngjae would react that way.
He still wished, somehow, that Youngjae would follow him.
Even when it was just Hyojin’s stupid assumption, it felt like being rejected. Just having to admit what she’d thought … it felt like rejection.
But why should he care? Just because he maybe didn’t hate Youngjae any more. Just because he’d been moved that Youngjae had confided in him. Their conversation in the night – it wasn’t like Youngjae had been serious. It had never been a possibility, so it shouldn’t feel like rejection.
Had he been hoping, deep down, that Youngjae would say he didn’t mind? That they could make it true? Kangmo was an idiot. Just because Youngjae had turned out good-looking ... and just because Kangmo was lonely ...
He didn’t want to go back to work. But he couldn’t avoid it on Youngjae’s account. What would his teenage self think, if he didn’t do something for fear of Jo Youngjae? He’d be a bitter disappointment to himself. Just as much as for having a crush on the damn man.
When he did go back to work, he kept busy – too busy to worry about Youngjae. Except apparently Youngjae wasn’t too busy to worry about him, because he was on the doorstep when Kangmo got home.
Kangmo stopped short when he saw him. ‘What are you doing?’
Youngjae got to his feet, dusting off his backside.
‘Waiting for you. Your neighbour’s a riot; I hope you don’t mind I introduced myself.’
‘She should’ve just called the cops,’ Kangmo muttered. He didn’t know why he was being nasty; Youngjae whacked him on the arm, but he didn’t seem bothered.
‘Is that any way to talk about your secret lover?’ he said. ‘But hang on … is it still a secret if Shin Hyojin knows?’
‘I never said that,’ Kangmo said. ‘She made an assumption. Sorry for getting my gay germs on you.’
‘You should’ve told her the truth,’ Youngjae said. He slipped past Kangmo when he unlocked the door.
‘Gee,’ Kangmo said, ‘I guess I was kind of preoccupied trying to work out if she thought we were murderers or not. Sorry if I didn’t defend your virtue sufficiently.’
‘Hah.’ Youngjae headed for Kangmo’s beer. ‘I meant that you had the chance but chickened out.’ He threw a can at Kangmo, and pointed. ‘Chicken.’ He kept his eyes on Kangmo as he drank his own beer, slowly and without breath. Like a challenge.
‘Whatever,’ Kangmo said. ‘I’m not that desperate.’ He collapsed onto the couch. Youngjae came and stood over him, like it wasn’t bad how tall enough he was already.
‘But you let Shin Hyojin think that,’ Youngjae said. ‘Sounds pretty desperate to me.’
‘Did you come here for a reason?’
Youngjae’s face lost its haranguing look; he looked away. Took another long drink. Then he said, ‘I didn’t want you to think it bothered me. That’s all.’
‘But be honest,’ Kangmo said. ‘It bothers you.’
Youngjae pulled a face. He came round and sat beside Kangmo. He seemed … nervous?
‘Not if it were true,’ Youngjae said. ‘Then it wouldn’t bother me.’ He laughed, and passed a hand across his face.
Kangmo’s heart sped up. ‘What are you saying?’ Kangmo said, drawing out the words. ‘Are you actually hitting on me? Plague Jo is actually hitting on me.’
‘You don’t have to put it like that,’ Youngjae muttered. He snuck a glance back at Kangmo, and suddenly the armspan of space between them was too close. It was a space that could be breached.
‘You’re kidding me,’ Kangmo said. ‘You just want an excuse to beat me up if I take you seriously.’
‘I am serious.’
God help them, but Kangmo thought he was serious. It was too far for a joke, even for Youngjae.
‘Why would I even want to,’ Kangmo said, ‘with someone like you?’ But there was a lack of vehemence in his own voice. Youngjae looked annoyed ... or maybe he looked hurt, and Kangmo just didn’t want to admit it. That he could hurt him.
‘I was hoping you weren’t that fussy,’ Youngjae said.
Kangmo almost laughed. ‘What about you, then?’
‘What about me?’
‘Why would you … with me …’
Youngjae tipped his head back. ‘Probably I’m just a sucker for punishment.’
If that was what Youngjae thought, what did that suggest about Kangmo?
Except no; that wasn’t what Youngjae thought. Youngjae was making a joke because he expected to get rejected. And Kangmo should reject him. It would be the sensible thing – treat this like a fever dream, and forget it in the morning.
It should be easy, shouldn’t it? To say no to Jo Youngjae. Remember that time he came after him with a pipe? Remember what he did to Eunsung? Kangmo could think of a million reasons it was a bad idea to even consider this.
But they were all in the past. And Kangmo was making his choice now, with Youngjae sitting there next to him, telling him he was serious.
He hadn’t had to come over.
‘Hey, I didn’t mean it like that,’ Youngjae said. ‘Don’t be pissed off.’
‘What?’
‘What? You weren’t saying anything.’ Youngjae’s eyes were wary.
He thought Kangmo wasn’t saying anything because he was pissed off?
‘I’m just in shock,’ Kangmo said. ‘I never thought you, of all people …’ But he thought about Youngjae’s teenage crush on Eunsung, who had hated him as openly as Kangmo had … maybe it wasn’t such a leap.
‘You never thought what?’ Youngjae said. ‘That I’d wanna suck another guy’s dick?’
Kangmo stared at him. He should have had a response, but Youngjae’s words had sent the blood flowing away from his brain. The words wouldn’t cohere.
Youngjae’s gaze flicked down. He took another drink, and Kangmo’s attention was caught by the shape of his mouth against the can.
‘Did I shock you again?’ Youngjae said, when he was done.
‘Is that why you’re divorced?’ It was a stupid question, but Kangmo’s brain wasn’t working properly.
‘No, I’m divorced because I don’t feel the need to interrogate every little thing that I do. It all just proves I’m a terrible person anyway,’ Youngjae said, ‘and you already know that, so that shouldn’t be a problem.’
‘Shouldn’t it?’ Kangmo said. ‘I shouldn’t even –’ Fuck it. What was he doing? Youngjae was on his couch, drinking his beer and talking about sucking cock, and Kangmo was second-guessing that? What was he sabotaging himself for? Even if all that happened was they banged once and avoided each other ever after … at least it would be something. They’d both get laid, and that would be something.
He took the beer from Youngjae’s hand and set it on the coffee table, and he kissed him. There was a part of him that expected Youngjae to resist, but he didn’t – he kissed him back open-mouthed and tasting of beer.
Kangmo pushed him back into the couch. He’d already started to get hard from Youngjae saying the words suck another guy’s dick, and now it might actually happen … this was nuts.
‘Do you want to do this on the bed?’ Youngjae said. ‘Or are you still saying I have to sleep on the couch?’
‘After we have sex,’ Kangmo said. ‘Then I’ll make you sleep on the couch.’ He couldn’t believe he was saying this, to Youngjae. But Youngjae only laughed. Like he couldn’t believe this any more than Kangmo could.
Afterwards, they ordered dinner in, and Youngjae spent half an hour deciding what movie they were going to watch. Kangmo hadn’t realised he’d invited Youngjae to watch a movie. It was such a banal thing, yet Kangmo felt like his heart might burst.
He couldn’t stop staring at Youngjae – at the slope of his neck, the way the fabric of his shirt creased across his chest …
He wanted to photograph him; he didn’t want to stop looking long enough to photograph him.
They weren’t friends. They’d never been friends. But Youngjae leaned against him as if they might be. Or closer.
When they watched the movie, Kangmo could feel every time Youngjae grew tense, every physical reaction he had.
By the time the film was over, he’d lost track of the plot altogether, and his cock was uncomfortably hard. Maybe this wasn’t just going to be a one time thing.
And may it would all fall apart. Later, they’d get mad and probably one of them would kill the other. Given their history, no-one would be surprised. But that was for the future.
This was now. The taste of Youngjae’s skin, the flush on his face, that was now.
So Kangmo thought maybe the risk was worth it.