A White Christmas fic.
First published December 2020, for poeticname
Eunsung x Mooyul, 3264 words.
When Eunsung wakes up in the morning, Mooyul is still there, tucked away beneath the stone wall as if she might not have noticed him there. Despite his obvious intent to guard her, he’s fallen asleep. She thinks for a moment of leaving them there – she doesn’t need him to protect her, and if it comes down to it, she’d rather not have to kill him herself – but the thought of his face when he realises he’s fallen asleep on the job is too tempting to resist.
She claps her hands in front of his face, and Mooyul startles awake. He gropes for the pot lid that is his supposed weapon, his expression so flustered that Eunsung can’t help but laugh.
The laughter is a mistake. Even in this situation, his eyes turn warm and bright hearing her.
‘What do you think you’re doing, Park Mooyul?’ she asks. ‘I could have killed you a half-dozen times already.’
‘I don’t have a weak heart,’ Mooyul says – letting her know that he knows what her weapon is: a taser, which is useful if she wants to run away from a fight. Not so much if she wants to win one.
‘We don’t know that,’ Eunsung says. ‘Plenty of young, fit people drop dead because they have a bad heart and don’t know it.’
In the distance, they hear the sound of gunshots; Mooyul scrambles to his feet, squinting out into the distance; Eunsung only inclines her head toward the noise.
‘We better move,’ she says.
She doesn’t know why she lets him come with her. It’s not out of residual fondness – although that makes a nicer explanation than her being the kind of girl who would use her ex as a shield in a situation like this.
The gunshots had come from the north, so they head south, back to the coast. There are probably those in their class who would run toward the sound, Eunsung thinks – you can only win this game by eliminating the competition, after all.
Does Eunsung want to win? Imagine her mother’s disappointment, if Eunsung didn’t make it out alive: the same as if she didn’t make it to the top. The thought almost makes dying seem worth it.
When they hit the coast, they stop for a small breakfast. The death announcements play, reverberating out across the island.
Eunsung marks the dead zones on the map, while Mooyul marks the names of the dead in his mind. He looks regretful at some, but – almost – relieved at others. Because some people are more of a threat.
‘Choi Chihoon’s still out there,’ he says, softly, as if he doesn’t mean her to hear.
‘That’s one guy who won’t mind having to kill,’ Eunsung says. ‘If you want to knock him out that number one spot, now’s your chance.’
Mooyul looks balefully at her. Well, he’s already aware of her sharp tongue. She’d tried to hold it, she supposes, while they were together, but there’s no point in presenting a pleasant face now that they’re broken up; certainly no point now they’re facing their imminent demise.
‘I was thinking,’ Mooyul says, ‘about who’s likely to buy into the game and who’s not.’
‘Park Mooyul, have you forgotten the collar around your neck?’
‘No,’ Mooyul says, and he sounds stubborn. ‘We’d need to do something about that.’
Far be it for Eunsung to tell Mooyul not to try and save them all – maybe he can get himself killed that way. It will make things easier on her.
It’s that morning that Eunsung sees her first death. They’re making their way along the coast when they hear someone yell – Mooyul turns toward the voice, and Eunsung grabs his arm automatically. He gives her a perplexed look, tries to pull away.
‘That’s Song Yoojin,’ he says.
Eunsung already knows it; Yoojin is one of her friends, from back when she still believed in friends.
‘We might be able to help.’
‘At least be careful,’ Eunsung says. They shouldn’t want to help, is what she thinks. It’s not like intervening in a fight back at school; they won’t be required to make nice afterwards.
They hear Yoojin’s voice again; this time, Eunsung lets Mooyul go.
If she really had the courage of her convictions, she’d stay behind – if he gets himself killed, at least she won’t have to see it. But Eunsung is weak. She gets her taser out and she follows him.
Mooyul, being who he is, does not take care in approaching; he yells out a hey when he sees someone standing over Yoojin’s body.
Eunsung is already thinking of her as a body and not a person.
Yoojin’s attacker looks up – it’s Nayoung, who was not one of Eunsung’s supposed friends. Nayoung has a knife, but Eunsung’s taser makes her wary; she looks between Eunsung and Mooyul quickly, and then bolts.
‘Hey!’ Mooyul says again, but he doesn’t give chase. Given the choice between that and helping Yoojin, he chooses to try to help Yoojin. He kneels beside her, putting his hands over her stomach to try and stop the bleeding.
Eunsung kneels down, but she keeps her hands to herself.
‘She stabbed me in the back,’ Yoojin says, in a voice gone raspy with pain. She searches Eunsung’s eyes. ‘Can you believe it?’
‘I believe it,’ Eunsung says.
‘Eunsung, I need something to stop the bleeding,’ Mooyul says.
Eunsung ignores him. She brushes Yoojin’s hair back from her forehead. Her skin is damp, cooler than it should be.
‘You’re lucky,’ Yoojin says.
‘Yu Eunsung,’ Mooyul says, and Eunsung gives him a sharp look.
‘There’s no point,’ she says. Then, softer, ‘Sorry, Yoojin.’
‘Wish I’d had someone looking out for me,’ Yoojin says. And then she dies.
Eunsung folds her hand back in her lap. Not clutching on uselessly, she thinks; she won’t do that.
Mooyul’s hands are wet with blood; she hears him calling Yoojin’s name, like death is something she might snap out of.
‘Just stop it,’ Eunsung says, and she realises, as the words come out of her, that she is upset. Maybe that’s why Mooyul listens. ‘If I see Nayoung again,’ she goes on, ‘I’ll kill her.’
‘We shouldn’t be killing anyone –’
‘I’ll kill her.’
Mooyul is giving her a strange look. She thinks, with horror, that he feels sorry for her. He thinks that because her friend died, she feels bad, and he thinks that understands that.
He doesn’t understand anything.
Eunsung gets to her feet. Mooyul doesn’t say anything, even when Eunsung goes to hunt through Yoojin’s bag. She finds the hammer that must have been Yoojin’s weapon, and some food, and she takes it all. Mooyul doesn’t try to stop her. He’s still sitting there beside Yoojin’s body.
‘You need to wash your hands,’ she says. Then she begins the walk back down toward the shore. She doesn’t look to see if he comes after her; she already knows he will.
They don’t talk for at least an hour after that. At one point, Eunsung sees someone on the cliffs in the distance; she points them out, and then they both get to watch the person run away.
There’s so little trust between any of them. Even before they were put into this situation. Mooyul walks beside her, but he’s just someone who liked the idea of her, who liked the idea of himself as someone who could protect someone like her. He doesn’t realise that he never could.
She needs to start thinking of how she will kill him, if she needs to.
Yoojin isn’t the only one to have her name read out, when it’s time for the death announcements. Four of the girls altogether; only one of the boys.
‘I wonder what happened to them all,’ Eunsung says. It’s hard to be curious about something she’ll never know. Would they tell her the story, if she won? Could she stand to hear it?
‘Jimin and Saerom would have been together,’ Mooyul says. ‘Maybe …’ He doesn’t say the rest of what he’s thinking. Eunsung doesn’t ask.
‘If you want to find Choi Chihoon,’ she says, ‘we should head into the village. He won’t be out here.’
‘That’s not –’ Mooyul meets her eyes, and she smiles blandly, meaninglessly back at him. He stops his mouth on his argument, and he nods. ‘Let’s try that.’
As they walk, Eunsung works out in her head the classmates who are left, and she ranks them in order of who would be least to most difficult to kill. She doesn’t share this line of thought with Mooyul – Mooyul, she thinks, would never kill someone preemptively. If it weren’t for her, he’d probably be trying to rally the others round, get them to work together. But because he came after her, he’s been denied that. Poor Mooyul.
They slow down as they get to the outskirts of the village, taking more caution. It’s eerie, even without the thought that their classmates could be lurking here, waiting for the chance to kill them. Eunsung wonders what happened to the village’s former inhabitants – she hopes they took a decent payout, at least. Do they know now, what their hometown is used for? Do they recognise it on the news, when the game is over and done with?
It’s funny, but Eunsung would always have thought they were exempt at Susin High. You don’t take the top students in the country and stick them in a system that kills them.
Except that apparently you do.
Mooyul holds up a hand to tell her to stop. He indicates one of the houses on their left – there’s movement behind one of the windows, one of their classmates. The threat doesn’t exactly equate to a crossbow trained on them, and Eunsung gives Mooyul a quizzical look.
He gestures that he wants to check it out. Eunsung doesn’t see the point – it’s not Chihoon, so what does it matter? But she pulls the taser out and holds it tight.
The door to the house, when Mooyul tests it, is unlocked.
Mooyul enters first. Silly, when she’s the one with the taser and he’s the one with the pot lid, but maybe that’s by design – Eunsung can’t do anything rash if he’s in the way. They proceed into the house. Mooyul pushes open the door to the kitchen; Eunsung thinks this is where they saw their classmate, but now there’s no-one in sight.
Which means that he’s hiding.
‘Say something,’ she says.
Mooyul looks startled.
‘He knows we’re here,’ she says, in a louder voice. ‘He may as well show himself.’
Mooyul clears his throat. ‘We’re not here to hurt you,’ he says. When Park Mooyul says that, Eunsung thinks, you can’t help but believe it.
The boy comes out from behind the door. His fingers are white, clenched on the handle of a heavy frying pan. Eunsung can imagine it now: if they’d stepped in incautiously, that frying pan would have come down on their heads.
‘Lee Jaekyu,’ Mooyul says. The new boy – never mind he’s been their classmate almost a year now, he joined in their second year and so he will always be the new boy. It’s not like there’s anything else to distinguish him. ‘Have you been here the whole time?’
‘No, I –’ Jaekyu’s face is scraped and cut up like he’s been in a fight. Maybe he’s killed someone already. Good for him. ‘I have a list,’ Jaekyu says. ‘Choi Chihoon asked me.’
He hands a slip of paper to Mooyul; Eunsung reads over his shoulder. Chemicals, mostly. Gardening supplies, or ...
Mooyul sees it before she does; he looks up at Jaekyu in shock.
Chihoon wants to build a bomb. That’s what the list means. Mooyul doesn’t need confirmation, but Jaekyu gives a tight-lipped nod, and he takes the paper back.
‘He thought you might be interested,’ Jaekyu says, ‘if I saw you.’ He looks between them nervously, and Eunsung wants to laugh – she’s confident the you Jaekyu uses refers to Mooyul and not her.
‘Where is he?’ Mooyul asks.
Jaekyu is so nervous. Has he even spoken to either of them before?
‘Give me your map,’ he says. ‘I’ll show you.’
After they leave, Mooyul has a different expression in his eyes.
‘It won’t work,’ Eunsung says. ‘I’m sure they’re used to smart kids.’ Their grades might be impeccable, but all they have is three days – less than that, now – and what materials are left on an island that has to have been gone over by the military a million times already.
‘If it doesn’t work,’ Mooyul says, ‘we’re not any worse off.’
If anyone’s smart enough, Eunsung thinks, Chihoon is. But even if they did blow up the compound where the soldiers are, what could they do next? Where could they go?
They’re all going to die. And if one of them survives, she doesn’t think it will be her.
It’s on the way to find Chihoon that they see Nayoung again. She’s sitting on the steps of a building, in full view of anyone who might pass, her head hung low.
‘Don’t,’ Mooyul says softly. But Eunsung won’t listen to him; she stalks toward Nayoung. Only Nayoung doesn’t look up when Eunsung approaches, and that makes her pause.
And then Mooyul cries out her name, and he knocks her down; Eunsung hears the sound of a bullet pass above their heads, and she thinks, but I didn’t hear the gun go off before Mooyul drags her back to her feet. The two of them run. Eunsung feels something bite her leg and she stumbles; but Mooyul still has her, and they make it to a building and then inside.
Eunsung’s heart is racing. The building is a convenience store; Mooyul pulls her toward the back, where there’s two rows of shelves between them and the windows – only then does he allow her to collapse. Once she’s sitting down, Eunsung twists her leg so that she can see where the bullet hit. It’s skimmed the back of her calf, she sees, and that’s a relief. Better than the bullet still being in there, and her having to try and get it out.
But it hurts. Now that she’s stopped running, she can feel how much it hurts.
Mooyul takes off his jacket, and he gets her to hold it down on the wound.
‘I’ll see if there’s any first aid supplies left,’ he says, heading for the shelves.
‘They know where we are,’ Eunsung says. ‘They’ll be coming after us.’
‘I know,’ Mooyul says, shortly. She hears him rifling through the shelves; he must be frustrated.
‘At least we know they’re a terrible shot,’ Eunsung mutters. If only they’d aimed higher, then all Eunsung’s worries would be over.
She closes her eyes, and she pictures Nayoung sitting there. How still she was – not a girl who had given up, but a trap.
Stupid. They need to be more suspicious.
Mooyul comes back with bandages and saline; Eunsung lets him tend to her, and she clutches her taser in both hands, and she listens.
They’ll hear if someone comes through the door. She knows they will.
She wishes she’d gotten to Nayoung first.
Mooyul ties off the bandage, and he sits back. He’s sweating, she sees. Like he’s the one in pain and not her.
‘Do you think they’re waiting for us to leave?’ she asks.
‘There should be a back entrance,’ Mooyul says. ‘Can you stand?’
She can stand. Maybe she shouldn’t, but they both know the situation.
They head through the staff area in the back, keeping low. Eunsung’s leg hurts more in moving than she expected it to; she thinks the blood might be seeping through the bandage.
There’s an alleyway behind the buildings. Empty, thankfully – Eunsung can’t help but feel that it’s too obvious that they’d try leaving some other way than by the front door.
Someone steps in the space at the exitway to the alley.
Mooyul lifts his stupid pot lid, and this time Eunsung hears the gunshot. The shoot is still wide, and the bullet hits the wall; Eunsung backs into the building they’d just left. The next shot hits the pot lid; Eunsung hears it ring as Mooyul backs into her.
The bullet hasn’t punched through the metal, only dented it. Mooyul still holds it up, looking stunned, and when he meets Eunsung’s eyes, for the first time she thinks he’s afraid.
‘You take the taser,’ Eunsung says, and she thrusts it into his hands. Grabs Yoojin’s hammer from her own bag. They can hear the footsteps approaching through the other side of the doorway. Mooyul would like to argue with her about her distribution of weapons, she thinks, but there’s no time.
When the door opens, Mooyul fires the taser. But it’s Eunsung who brings the hammer down.
Afterwards, she drops to the floor with her head in her hands. The hammer is discarded, bloody.
‘She would have killed us,’ Mooyul says. His voice sounds very distant.
Eunsung doesn’t say anything. She knew, she knew when they were given that ridiculous briefing, she knew it was kill or be killed. She knows what side she wanted to be on too. Had she hoped she wouldn’t be capable, when it came down to it? Maybe she had.
She looks up at Mooyul’s concerned face, and she tries to imagine killing him next. She can’t. He annoys her so much sometimes, with all his useless concern, but she chose him for a reason, didn’t she, when they dated. A million years ago.
She doesn’t want to have to kill him too.
‘We should split up,’ she says.
‘Sorry?’
‘If we’re not together –’
‘It’s safer together,’ Mooyul says. ‘If you’d been alone right now –’
‘Then I’d be dead,’ Eunsung says, ‘and you’d be safe. From me.’
Mooyul crouches down beside her. If he touches her right now, she thinks she’ll scream.
‘I’m not playing their game,’ he says.
Eunsung knows that. She knows he never would. It’s herself she’s worried about.
‘Chihoon has a plan, remember? Lee Jaekyu showed us.’
‘And what about after that?’ Eunsung says. ‘They wouldn’t just let us go. Even if we can get off this island … it’s the government, Mooyul. It’s not like we can just go back home. They’ll hunt us down.’
‘Probably,’ Mooyul says. ‘Maybe we’ll be executed.’
Eunsung looks at his sincere face. Then, for some reason, she wants to giggle.
It’s hysteria. She’s just killed someone, and she’s about to get hysterical.
‘How do you know Chihoon won’t just trick us into doing what he wants and then kill us all instead?’
‘I don’t.’
All the scenarios are worst-case scenarios, aren’t they?
Mooyul takes the gun from their dead classmate, and hands it to her. Trusting her.
She’s not going to kill Park Mooyul.
They’ll die before it becomes an issue; or Chihoon’s plan will work and they’ll escape before it becomes an issue; and if it comes down to it and there’s only two of them in the end and the countdown on their collars starts ticking down …
Well, then fuck the scum who made her into a murderer. They can finish off the whole class, if they like seeing dead teenagers so much.
Eunsung tucks the gun into her waistband. Mooyul checks their classmate’s bag – for food, any extra ammunition.
Eunsung gets back to her feet. She stops to grab a packet of painkillers from the shelf, and swallows them dry.
‘Let’s go,’ she says.
And it doesn’t bother her any more, that Mooyul follows her.