A Danganronpa fic.
First published September 2018.
Ensemble, 26,099 words.
She would keep going. Harukawa repeated that to herself, as the days passed and they all grew a little wearier.
Gonta pushed aside his qualms and brought them back one of the giant beetles to eat. The flesh was sweeter than she’d expected. And as Gonta thanked the beetle’s spirit for the meal, she felt for the first time how insignificant they were to this world. How indifferent it was to them.
This world didn’t care whether they lived or died. It didn’t care whether they mourned.
She had to keep going. They had to find the others and bring them back. And then Harukawa had to stand in front of Saihara and tell him Momota was gone; that he was never coming back. She could fall apart then, if she could last that long.
She’d never expected to feel this way again. She’d thought she’d lost too much already, and learned to check her attachments.
Stupid Momota. She wasn’t grateful to him. She wasn’t.
The days stretched on, and by the time they arrived at the coast the seasons had begun to change, the trees putting on their autumn colours.
Only a little further, then. Only a little further to go.
They hadn’t even been following the coastline for a day when Gonta let out a yell.
Fukawa groaned, expecting something trivial. But Gonta turned to face them, walking backwards along the sand, and said, ‘Campsite ahead!’
They all picked up the pace.
‘You must have good eyesight,’ Komaru told Gonta. She could make out that there was something up ahead, but she couldn’t have been sure what it was. But soon the campsite came into focus: tiny figures gathered at the edge of the river mouth. Only a few at first, but then more of them joined together.
Komaru had been waiting a long time for this. She’d never met them – the class who had been the Remnants of Despair. She only knew what her brother had told her – that they’d aided the Future Foundation, in the end, and taken the blame for the betrayal that could have brought them down.
As they began to resolve faces, Fukawa grabbed for Komaru’s wrist.
‘What –?’
‘It’s him.’ She spoke in a low voice, so the others wouldn’t hear.
It took Komaru a moment longer to make him out. ‘Servant-san?’ she said out loud, then clapped a hand over her mouth.
‘Did Naegi just think he could send forward anyone who ever bothered us?’ Fukawa grumbled. ‘I’m surprised he didn’t bring Enoshima back from the dead ...’
‘But if Servant-san is here,’ Komaru said, ‘if he was one of the Remnants, then that means he’s reformed, right?’ She said it as much to comfort herself as anything. She looked back at Shingetsu, who looked as disturbed as she felt.
‘You didn’t know, right?’ he said.
Komaru shook her head. ‘It’s like we’re being haunted, isn’t it?’ She wanted to make it into a joke.
Fukawa let go of her wrist, and held her hand instead. Komaru was grateful. Servant had scared her, back in Towa City. She’d been something in his head that she wasn’t in reality. And he’d let the Warriors do what they did ...
When the group was all together, there were sixteen of them. They looked as worn and torn as Komaru must, but they’d all made it. It was a bittersweet relief.
‘At last,’ someone said. And the number of people was suddenly overwhelming. And it was, ‘we thought you’d never come’ and ‘so which of you is Naegi’s sister’ and ‘let them sit down, they must be exhausted’.
Unwillingly, Komaru caught Servant’s eye. He smiled at her. Said, ‘It’s been a while, hasn’t it?’
‘You knew I’d be here?’ Komaru said. He didn’t seem surprised to see her. But of course he knew she was Makoto’s little sister; he’d known what to expect.
‘Of course the former heroine would be sent forward in time.’ He looked at Shingetsu. ‘Shingetsu-kun is a surprise, though.’
‘You know them already?’ One of the strangers elbowed Servant in a friendly fashion. ‘You coulda said.’
‘They probably wish they’d forgotten me,’ Servant said. ‘Shingetsu-kun, you’ve grown, haven’t you?’
‘Of course I’ve grown,’ Shingetsu said, with a flush.
‘I don’t believe I know the others though,’ Servant said, looking at Harukawa and Gonta.
‘Well, we all need to catch up,’ said another young man. He smiled at Komaru, open and welcoming. ‘I’m Hinata Hajime. We’ve been waiting for you.’
Once the introductions started, they took a while. Komaru wasn’t sure she would remember all the names, the flurry of new faces. Togami she would remember, on account of the fuss Fukawa had kicked up – how he had no right to use that name. This Togami was gentler with her than the other would have been, but then, he didn’t know her yet.
Servant’s name was Komaeda Nagito. She would remember that; it felt like a small kind of power, to have his name.
The group had been woken at the facility on Jabberwock Island, from whence they’d sailed back to the mainland. They’d made camp nearly a month ago, and had been waiting since then. It was a short story, easily told; Komaru was braced for tragedy the whole time.
‘Things didn’t go so well for the younger class,’ she said, looking at Harukawa. ‘Maybe we could tell you later.’
Harukawa didn’t seem to register Komaru’s words; she stood apart from the others, looking lost. She was still only a girl, Komaru thought, for all she came across grown up. Gonta might have been odd, but he slotted in with the larger group easily. Soon he had organised to go on a hunting trip with Owari and Nidai.
‘We’ll bring back feast to celebrate,’ Gonta told Komaru. He glanced shyly at Harukawa. ‘Maybe cheer up Harukawa-san.’
‘That would be nice,’ Komaru said, and waved him goodbye.
It was a pleasant spot the group had found, there by the sea. One of the girls, Koizumi, invited Komaru to go gather seafood, and that was satisfying. Komaru took her shoes off to walk in the sand, looking for tell-tale holes. Fukawa watched nervously from higher up on the beach, until Komaru brought her physically down to the water. And Koizumi pointed out seaweeds that were good to eat, and Saionji dropped a sandworm down the back of Komaru’s top, so that she shrieked, and pulled off her top then and there to get it out.
It was nice, to muck around. To know they could rest at the end of the day, and there would be food to eat, and that their journey had an end.
Hanamura took charge of the cooking, determined to impress. Komaru thought it would have been delicious anyway.
‘I just want to stay here forever,’ she said to Fukawa afterwards, lying back on a sand dune with no regard for where the sand might end up.
‘I think you’d get over it quickly,’ Fukawa said. ‘And the nights are getting colder, so –’
‘Aw, Toko-chan,’ Komaru said, rolling over to grab her around the waist, ‘but I have you to keep me warm.’
‘Shut up,’ Fukawa said. ‘You’re embarrassing.’
Komaru didn’t care what Fukawa said. She was happy. She could ignore how unsettling it was to arrive and find Servant there. Everything that had happened to her in Towa City ... it was a long time ago. Unimaginably long ago.
She giggled, as Fukawa tried to shake her off.
The sun was still up, and it was still warm. ‘Let’s go for a swim,’ she said.
‘I’m okay,’ Fukawa said. But Komaru pulled off her clothing, and ran into the water in her underwear.
‘You’re going to catch a cold,’ Fukawa called out.
‘It’s not that bad,’ Komaru said. She scrunched her eyes up, then dashed herself under the water, popping up again with her hair plastered to her head. She leant back and kicked her feet in the air. ‘You should try it too, Toko-chan. Harukawa-san.’ She waved at the other girl, sitting alone.
‘I’m alright,’ Harukawa said. She was thinking of Momota. How despite all his stupid talk about the sea, and dolphins, he couldn’t even make it long enough to see it himself.
She thought, if Momota were here, he’d be in the water, and he’d be the one calling to her. And if it were him ...
‘What about Shingetsu-kun,’ Komaru said. She lay in the shallows, on her belly like an alligator. ‘You’ll come in, won’t you, Shingetsu-kun?’
‘What, right now?’
‘Yes, right now.’
If Harukawa were alone. If Momota were here. Shingetsu caved to Komaru, and Harukawa wanted to join them. Maybe it was only because she’d talked about it with Momota that she resisted.
She crouched down, running her fingers over the sand, and looked out toward the ocean.
It was beautiful – orange-tinted in the sunset, stretching out so far that she could see the curve of the earth in the horizon. It was beautiful and it would outlive them all. If humanity did die out, and the dolphins took over, the sea would still be there. If the dolphins died out and dinosaurs rose again, the sea would still never end.
Harukawa slipped off her shoes. She hesitated, taking her clothes off – Komaru had gone in in her underwear, so it had to be okay – but no-one was paying attention anyway.
Momota would have told her to do it. Momota would have dragged her in himself.
Harukawa set her teeth on undressing, and she walked into the water, far enough that she could dive down into it. The water was comfortably cool, and she stayed under as long as she could – long enough that anyone watching her would worry she’d drowned.
No-one was watching her, and she wouldn’t drown. The water cushioned her, and she wondered if she could swim out far enough to find to find dolphins. If there were still dolphins in the world.
She rose for air. Looked back at the hills, the sun sinking down to the horizon.
If she cried for Momota here, no-one would know. The sea would be no more salty.
There was something of a relief in that.
Drying out on the beach, Komaru asked Shingetsu, ‘Do you think we’re really the last people on earth?’
He seemed surprised by the question, but frowned as if he were taking it seriously. ‘I don’t think we can only be the only country to have come up with a plan like this,’ he said. ‘There must be others out there.’
‘I hope so,’ Komaru said. She shifted position, brushing the sand off her legs. She noticed Shingetsu’s eyes follow the motions of her hand, and she remembered what Fukawa had said to her back at the school. About Shingetsu being a teenage boy.
She blushed.
Suddenly there was a shadow over her, and when she looked up, Komaeda was dropping a towel on her head.
‘You could try and be a little bit more modest, Komaru-san,’ he said. And wandered off.
She took the towel in both hands, face completely red. ‘It’s just underwear!’ she said. ‘Geez. That guy’ She used the towel to dry off her hair.
Shingetsu didn’t say anything. He was blushing too.
While Komaru blew off Komaeda’s words, Fukawa was not so blase. She went after him while Komaru was dressing.
‘I s-saw you speak to Komaru,’ she said.
‘Oh?’ Komaeda blinked at her, playing innocent.
‘If you try anything,’ Fukawa said, her shoulders tense, ‘I’ll end you.’
It took a moment for him to react. ‘Wow,’ he said. ‘I guess you really did have a change of heart. Well done, Fukawa-san.’
‘Are you listening?’
‘Yes, you were threatening to kill me. Or was that the other one who was threatening to kill me?’
‘It doesn’t matter which,’ she said, flustered by his inability to respond properly.
‘Maybe not,’ Komaeda said. ‘It’s kind of touching though, wouldn’t you say? But you don’t need to worry; Naegi must’ve told you we’re all reformed.’
The group certainly seemed harmless, camping out at the beach, with their welcoming smiles and impromptu feasts.
‘Naegi likes to see the best in people,’ Fukawa said.
Komaeda laughed. ‘As expected of the Ultimate Hope! But seriously, Fukawa-san, you don’t have to worry. I want to see what happens next.’
‘What happens next?’
‘Sure.’ He lifted his hands in the air. ‘It’s man versus wild, hope versus despair, only this time with the fate of the human race at stake. What could be better, or more inspiring? It’s a shame such an ordinary heroine had to be brought along, but –’
‘Don’t call her that,’ Fukawa said.
‘Huh?’
‘In fact, don’t talk about her at all. You don’t deserve to talk about her –’
‘Toko-chan, I think he gets the idea.’ Komaru had come up behind Fukawa, and she leaned over her shoulder. She wore an easy expression on her face, as if it didn’t bother her for Komaeda to imply she wasn’t worthy of being here. The creep had some cheek.
‘Sure, from now on, I’ll only call her Komaru-san,’ Komaeda said. He smiled at her. ‘Right, Komaru-san?’
‘When you put it like that, it sounds like a downgrade ...’
‘Komaru!’
‘Okay,’ Komaru said. ‘It’s okay.’
Fukawa looked down at Komaeda again, at his expression of utter innocence.
She made a throat-cutting gesture and stalked off, knowing Komaru would follow her.
Komaru made some loud apologies, and then ran to catch up.
‘Toko-chan, what was that about?’ she said. Fukawa kept walking, over the sand dune and away from everyone. ‘We knew they’d done bad things when we agreed to come, so why is it any different from Shingetsu-kun and the others?’
‘You know why it’s different,’ Fukawa said. She worried at her nails. ‘We know those kids. We don’t know if he’s really reformed.’
‘Isn’t it better to give him the benefit of the doubt?’
Fukawa gave her a flat look.
‘I mean, I was freaked out too, y’know. But we all have to try and get along. Else what will Harukawa-san and the others think?’
‘Thanks to that stowaway brat, Harukawa-san and the others were trying to kill each other,’ Fukawa said. ‘I’m sure they’ll understand.’
‘Toko-chan.’ Komaru made her name an admonishment.
‘Fine,’ Fukawa said. ‘I just didn’t want him to think he could try anything.’ She was a little embarrassed by Komaru’s goodwill.
‘I’m sure he won’t,’ Komaru said firmly. ‘Can we go back to the party now, Toko-chan?’
‘I don’t know why you have to be so chipper about it all,’ Fukawa muttered.
‘You only say that,’ Komaru said, and took her arm, facing her in the other direction.
‘Fine,’ Fukawa said. ‘We can go back. But don’t expect me to enjoy it.’
‘I never do.’
Shingetsu had been relieved to see Fukawa grilling Komaeda. He would have liked to be so protective, but seeing Komaeda had him turned all upside down. Like Monaka, Komaeda was a reminder of things Shingetsu would rather forget.
They’d never known what his name was, then. They hadn’t needed to know, to order him around.
So Shingetsu was annoyed when they left the next morning and Komaeda fell into step beside him.
‘So you, the heroine ... are the whole gang here, I wonder?’
Shingetsu thought about ignoring him, but Komaeda went on.
‘I wouldn’t have thought Naegi would have picked you guys to come forward. Although he did pick us ... I guess that’s what true hope is, isn’t it? Believing in the worst of people.’
‘It was Naegi-san’s idea,’ Shingetsu said. ‘Komaru-san, I mean. She spoke for us.’
‘Wow,’ Komaeda said, ‘you guys really lucked out when you kidnapped her, didn’t you?’
Shingetsu glanced up at him; he couldn’t tell if Komaeda meant to be mocking or not.
‘Say, how old are you now, Shingetsu-kun?’
Shingetsu looked away again. ‘Nineteen,’ he said.
‘Almost old enough to drink, then,’ Komaeda said. ‘Not quite an adult yet, are you?’
‘I guess not,’ Shingetsu said. But he’d felt like an adult for a long time now. Maybe since he’d decided to help in Towa City, to make up for what they’d done.
‘Still. I wonder how old she must’ve been, back then ...’
Shingetsu remembered. Komaru had worn her high school uniform, even though she’d never had the opportunity to go to high school. She’d never been given that opportunity.
He knew the point Komaeda was trying to make. Shingetsu was older than she’d been then. He was one of the demons now too. All of them were.
‘After what happened ...’ Shingetsu said, unsure, ‘Monaka-chan went with you, right?’
‘Huh? Oh, for a while. She got bored pretty quick. Someone as useless as me, what do you expect?’
‘She’s here too,’ Shingetsu said. ‘She wasn’t meant to be. She stowed away.’
‘Sounds like Monaka-chan.’
Shingetsu didn’t know why he wanted to tell Komaeda this. ‘If you stayed with her, couldn’t you have ...’ No, Monaka didn’t want to change. She didn’t want to grow up. He tried again. ‘When Monaka-chan came here, it wasn’t with us; she snuck in with those guys.’ He indicated Harukawa, who walked ahead of them, alone. ‘She tried to recreate the killing game. With them.’
‘Is that right?’
‘By the time we got there, seven of them were dead.’
Komaeda wore a curious expression. ‘You think I could’ve done something to stop that? Someone like me?’
Shingetsu didn’t answer, and Komaeda gave a little laugh.
‘We were Despair too, you know. When Naegi first tried to help us, you know what? Someone tried the exact same thing.’
‘They did?’
Komaeda gestured behind them. ‘Can I say “Hinata”, I wonder?’
Hinata was chatting to Souda, both of them smiling. Shingetsu tried to imagine him as Despair, and failed. ‘He did?’
‘You wouldn’t think it, would you? But Shingetsu-kun –’ Komaeda dropped his voice – ‘don’t think I didn’t play along. If Monaka-chan’s like that now ...’ He shrugged. ‘Well. What can you expect?’
Shingetsu felt cold suddenly, though the sun kept shining. ‘Try telling that to Harukawa-san,’ he said. He shrugged his bag up higher.
Komaru was further ahead, deep in conversation with Sonia and Tanaka. He wished he could go join them, but Komaru looked like she was enjoying herself. He didn’t want to interrupt that.
‘What you were saying about Hinata-kun ...’ he started.
‘Why don’t you ask him?’ Komaeda turned around and waved to catch Hinata’s eye. A look went over Hinata’s face, like he didn’t want to talk to Komaeda either, but he excused himself and walked ahead.
‘What?’ Hinata asked.
‘I was just telling Shingetsu-kun about our killing game,’ Komaeda said, ‘and I wondered, how do I explain your role?’
Hinata lost his apparent good humour. ‘Did you have to?’
‘It’s important context, don’t you think?’
Hinata pursed his lips, and gave Shingetsu an appraising look.
‘He brought it up first,’ Shingetsu said.
‘Right,’ Komaeda said, ‘the thing Komaru-san didn’t want to talk about yesterday.’
Hinata looked at him sharply. ‘What would you know about that, Komaeda?’
‘Oh, nothing important. Say, did you ever go to Towa City, Hinata-kun?’
Hinata frowned. ‘What’s that got to do with anything?’
‘It seems someone tried to recreate the killing game.’
‘Did they?’ The words were solid, hardly even a question.
‘She must’ve stowed away,’ Shingetsu said. ‘It wasn’t ... no-one planned this.’
‘But they stopped it?’
Shingetsu hesitated. ‘Not soon enough,’ he said.
He knew Komaru hadn’t wanted to explain the situation right away, but he thought the others should know what they were getting into. The situation they would arrive in.
‘Komaeda-san said that you ...’ Shingetsu couldn’t say it.
‘Right,’ Hinata said. ‘How can I explain?’ He wore a distant expression. ‘It was when we were Despair. Naegi’s brother had come up with a plan so that we could ... go back to how we used to be, before. It was like a VR game. They put our memories back to before any of it started.’
Komaeda smiled, like there was something funny to remember.
‘But even though we agreed to this ... I had a plan to try and bring back Enoshima Junko.’
‘You did?’
Hinata’s expression turned wry. ‘We had a computer program, an AI version of Enoshima.’ He paused. ‘From when I was in Towa City. I put it into the VR world Naegi came up with, so instead of ... whatever the VR world was meant to be, we were made to kill each other instead.’
Shingetsu’s heart sped up. ‘But no-one really died, right?’
‘We were able to wake them up again, after we defeated Enoshima and escaped. But it wasn’t a sure thing. We didn’t even know if they could be woken up, at first.’
‘So who died?’ Shingetsu asked, morbidly curious.
‘Hinata-kun survived right to the end, didn’t you, Hinata-kun? Even though he was the one that started it.’
‘Only five of us survived. Me, Souda, Sonia, Owari and Kuzuryu. Everyone else killed or was killed.’ His eyes lingered on Komaeda. ‘Or both.’
Komaeda smiled back at him. ‘I achieved what I meant to, didn’t I?’
‘It was because of you that Nanami died,’ Hinata said, grit in his voice. ‘And we couldn’t bring her back.’ His hefted his backpack higher on his shoulders. ‘So that’s what happened.’ He looked ahead, to the others. ‘At least we only did it to ourselves.’
‘Only because you failed,’ Komaeda pointed out. ‘If you’d succeeded ...’
‘Would that have brought her back?’ Shingetsu asked.
Hinata hesitated. ‘We would have become Enoshima,’ he said.
Shingetsu thought about that. ‘That’s what Monaka-chan wanted,’ he said. ‘I guess she never stopped wanting it.’
‘Monaka?’
‘Our friend,’ Shingetsu said. ‘Former friend. Back in Towa City.’
He wasn’t sure about Komaeda, but Hinata didn’t seem like someone who would try and bring Enoshima back, or start a killing game to do so. Not any more. Maybe there was hope for Monaka, then.
Except Monaka hadn’t done it to them. Those other kids ... they’d never been Despair, or worshipped Enoshima. They had no reason to understand or forgive. It wasn’t even like he thought it should be forgiven.
He’d never understood Monaka, not then, not now. But he’d used to believe in her. And he still wanted to see her saved.
In the evenings, they stopped early so that they could forage and hunt. It usually took a while for people to trickle back in. But one night, Hinata and Komaeda didn’t come back.
It had surprised Komaru that they were friendly, because Hinata seemed so sensible, but she supposed you could never tell. And certainly Komaeda managed to bring back the most interesting foods.
When she asked after them, all she got was, ‘oh, Komaeda’s probably got stuck somewhere. They’ll be back soon.’ But as the sun began to sink towards the hills and Hanamura called everyone for dinner, the others began to grow more concerned.
‘They headed north, right?’ Souda said, looking out into the trees. He chewed on his lip. ‘Do you think we should send out a search party?’
‘It’s getting dark,’ Kuzuryu said. ‘Better to wait.’
‘It won’t do any good if we get lost searching for them,’ Sonia agreed. ‘I’m sure they’ll find some place safe to wait out the night. We can search in the morning.’
That was the plan, but it sat uneasily with Komaru. She was thinking of how the forests weren’t friendly to them, to humans; thinking of how small they were, set against a whole wide planet.
She thought of Momota dying in the night, and how quiet Harukawa had become. How powerless she was herself, to do anything or help anyone.
At some point that night she woke Fukawa with her restlessness. Or maybe Fukawa was restless herself.
‘You should stop worrying about them,’ Fukawa said.
Komaru sat up, wrapping her arms around her knees. ‘It could’ve been any of us,’ she said. They both kept their voices quiet.
‘Yeah, so be glad it was them and not us,’ Fukawa said.
‘I can’t do that,’ Komaru said. Maybe Komaeda scared her, but Hinata hadn’t done anything wrong. She squeezed her eyes shut. Even at night, the world wasn’t quiet. The wind in the trees; the sound of frogs down by the river; the sound of the water ... ‘We need everyone, you know? My brother trusted us to do this.’
‘It was always going to be a last resort,’ Fukawa said. ‘Even he knew that.’
She meant Komaru should accept it too. But Komaru was scared she would watch it all slip through her fingers: their lives, her sense of hope, the memory of her brother’s love. It would all become meaningless.
Komaru couldn’t believe it was meaningless. She had to believe they’d all be okay.
The next afternoon, the search parties returned empty-handed.
‘I thought for sure someone find them,’ Gonta said. He folded his arms and looked troubled.
Komaru and Fukawa exchanged a glance.
‘We can try again tomorrow,’ Komaru said.
‘I don’t like it,’ Owari said. ‘What if they’re out there hurt?’
‘If we keep searching now,’ Sonia said, ‘we’ll just get ourselves into trouble too. It’s best to wait.’
‘What if we still can’t find them?’ Harukawa asked. She was usually so quiet that her voice stood out. ‘We might have to move on without them.’
‘Harukawa-san, that’s a bit ...’ Komaru trailed off.
‘Ah, it’ll be fine,’ Souda said. ‘It’s those two. They’ll probably show up in a couple of months with some whacked out story about getting kidnapped by mountain men.’
‘... really,’ Komaru said.
‘Souda-kun is right. We should have faith in them. Even if we don’t find them, Hinata-kun will be able to find the way.’ Sonia smiled, and it was impossible to tell if there was anything forced in it.
The next day, they went on without them.