Backroom Deal

Jongwoo hasn’t come home. The flat is empty, Seokyoon’s containers from lunch still on the bench where he’d left them.

Seokyoon doesnct want to think of Jongwoo out alone. Getting into trouble. He calls, but Jongwoo doesn’t pick up. Then he texts, but Jongwoo doesn’t respond to that either.

Somehow, Seokyoon feels like he’s the one who messed up. He should have drawn a more definitive line between the two of them and Moonjo. Should have resisted Moonjo more, somehow. Been a less willing victim.

But why should he feel bad for Jongwoo, when Seokyoon’s the one who’s down a tooth?

Seokyoon falls asleep that night without getting under the covers. He wakes up briefly when Jongwoo gets home and the living-room light goes on; can hear a voice he doesn’t recognise, and Jongwoo, slurring. He’s not awake enough to try and listen in, though, and the other voice goes away. Seokyoon falls back asleep again.

He wakes though, when Jongwoo trips across his legs trying to get to his own bed. Apparently his own bed is too much trouble, then, because he sits down, half on top of Seokyoon on his mattress on the floor. He startles when Seokyoon sits up on his elbows.

‘You’re awake.’

As if Seokyoon could have missed being tripped over.

‘Where did you go?’ Seokyoon asks.

‘Out,’ Jongwoo says. ‘Just out.’ Seokyoon can only see his silhouette in the darkness.

‘I wasn’t gonna come home,’ Jongwoo admits. He lies down, fitting himself into the space between Seokyoon and the bed. ‘But they called Jaeho-hyung.’

‘Was that him before?’ Seokyoon lies back down too. Jongwoo smells like liquor and antiseptic next to him.

‘Mm.’ A pause. ‘I’m so fucked.’

Jongwoo puts out a hand and he touches Seokyoon’s face. It’s like he’s trying to recognise him by the shape of it. Then he brushes Seokyoon’s mouth, so Seokyoon’s lips tingle.

‘Hyung, you should get some sleep.’

‘Mm.’ Jongwoo hooks his fingers into Seokyoon’s mouth, and Seokyoon’s heart speeds up. Jongwoo traces out his teeth with his fingers, exploring his mouth until he finds the spot where the gum is exposed. When he touches that, Seokyoon makes a noise of protest.

‘Sorry,’ Jongwoo says, and he pulls his fingers back – not removing them from Seokyoon’s mouth, but avoiding the injury. His breath is warm on Seokyoon’s cheek. Seokyoon is reminded by his dick that actually he never got off earlier, when Jongwoo fucked him. By the time Jongwoo was done with Moonjo, Seokyoon wasn’t in the mood … but now …

Now it’s just something Seokyoon has to endure anyway, because Jongwoo falls asleep before either of them can escalate things. Seokyoon removes his hand from out his mouth, but only so far that it falls on his chest instead.

It’s hard for Seokyoon to fall back asleep, after that. The thought of Jongwoo – Jongwoo not wanting to come home – Jongwoo curled up on the floor – Jongwoo’s dick in Seokyoon’s mouth – these things are all too present in Seokyoon’s mind. Seokyoon doesn’t want him to leave. He doesn’t want him to get disgusted and walk out of Seokyoon’s life. Because what if he does, and Seokyoon can’t let it go? Like Moonjo hasn’t let him go?

He knows they’re not the same. But he’s not sure he’s better.

---

In the morning, Jongwoo’s alarm goes off, but he doesn’t get up. He turns off the sound and lies there by Seokyoon unmoving. Seokyoon thinks he must have gone back to sleep, but when he rolls over he sees that, no, Jongwoo’s eyes are open. They’re swollen and red, like he’s been crying. He’s been in a fight since he left the hotel the day before, with cuts on his face that weren’t what Moonjo left him with.

Seokyoon wonders how Moonjo is feeling that morning. Guiltily, because it feels like a betrayal of Jongwoo to spare any concern for Moonjo.

‘Don’t you have work?’ Seokyoon asks.

Jongwoo doesn’t say anything. Seokyoon watches him swallow, but Jongwoo can’t bring himself so much as to shake his head.

‘Your boss brought you here last night, right? Won’t it be worse if you don’t go in?’

Jongwoo doesn’t answer again, but he sits up, slowly, like it’s something he’s forgotten how to do. Even the act of getting ready for the day.

Or maybe he’s just that hung over. It would be nice if that were all.

‘If you’ve got time,’ Seokyoon says, ‘want me to buy you breakfast?’

Jongwoo stops in the middle of heading for the dresser. ‘You can’t afford that.’

‘Come on, hyung. Of course I can.’

‘Is it his money?’

‘It’s not his money,’ Seokyoon says. ‘Come on.’ After Moonjo paid him, it was Seokyoon’s money. But Seokyoon doesn’t think he’s getting paid for what happened yesterday.

Jongwoo acquiesces anyway. There’s a coffeeshop near the bus stop and they grab counter food and eat it in a booth. Seokyoon wouldn’t have minded sitting at the window, but Jongwoo wanted something to the back of him.

‘So what happened last night?’ Seokyoon asks, once they’re seated and Jongwoo has his whole coffee to get through. Seookyoon tries to meet Jongwoo’s eyes, but Jongwoo is resistant. ‘Your boss brought you home, right?’

Jongwoo breaks his muffin up on the plate, and doesn’t eat it. ‘Nothing happened,’ he says. ‘I ended up at the police station, that’s all.’

‘That’s all?’

‘It’s not so bad.’

‘Is that coz you got in a fight?’

Jongwoo touches a hand to the cut near his mouth. He nods.

‘Geez, hyung.’

‘I wasn’t looking for it,’ Jongwoo says. ‘I wasn’t looking for any of this, you know. I came here to be with Jieun.’

Seokyoon winces. ‘I’m sorry.’

‘Don’t be sorry,’ Jongwoo says. He puts some of the muffin in his mouth at last, but the expression he makes suggests it isn’t what he wanted. ‘It’s not like you’re actually sorry, is it?’

‘Just coz … I didn’t want you to get dumped, hyung.’ Even if getting dumped is the reason Seokyoon got to have sex with Jongwoo anyway. At least without Moonjo being involved.

Jongwoo drains his coffee. ‘I have to get to work,’ he says, and he pushes back from the table. Seokyoon hasn’t finished his drink and he feels like it might be the wrong time to chase Jongwoo out of here. So he lets him go.

---

That evening, Seokyoon gets a text from Jongwoo. Have you got that guy’s number?

No question who he means. Seokyoon goes to say no, but then he remembers the messaging app Moonjo had hired him through the day before. I can get it for you?

Just tell him to meet me at my work, Jongwoo replies.

Something has gone wrong, Seokyoon thinks. Jongwoo shouldn’t be asking him for this.

What happened?

Just do it.

Seokyoon’s not sure Moonjo won’t just have deleted the app right away, but he pulls up the chat. Moonjo’s account looks like it’s still there.

Jongwoo says you should meet him at his work, Seokyoon writes. Moonjo’s reply comes quickly.

Curiouser and curiouser. Will I see you there too?

Seokyoon flushes, because he feels like Moonjo’s suggesting another liaison. As if Jongwoo would go for that.

He didn’t tell me to meet him, Seokyoon says. Seokyoon would probably end up dead, if he were caught between Jongwoo and Moonjo again.

Jealous?

Seokyoon flinches when he reads that; he doesn’t like to think of himself as the jealous type. It’s better not to be possessive, of anyone or anything. Money, guys he likes, it’s all the same – easy come, easy go.

Then Moonjo writes again: Tell him I’ll be there, and Seokyoon is relieved of the need to come up with a response. He texts Jongwoo instead.

He says he’ll come.

Then: Are you alright?

Do you want me to come too?

That last is overly hopeful; he’s already sick at himself for writing it.

Jongwoo writes back: I don’t want you mixed up in this. I’ll explain later.

It would be pathetic, if Seokyoon went anyway. But he knows, without consciously having to come to the conclusion, that whatever would cause Jongwoo to ask Moonjo for help is nothing good.

But Seokyoon hates waiting.

---

It’s past midnight when Jongwoo gets back. Seokyoon is still up, listening to music on the couch while he’s too worked up to go to sleep. When Jongwoo comes in, Seokyoon pulls the earbuds out and sits up.

‘What happened?’

Jongwoo looks at him, and he laughs. His eyes are very flat.

‘Hyung?’

Jongwoo comes over and he slides into the space next to Seokyoon, very close. He puts his hand against Seokyoon’s cheek, and when Seokyoon flinches, he smiles.

‘I did it.’

It takes a moment for Seokyoon’s mouth to move. ‘Did what?’

Jongwoo slides his hand downward, from Seokyoon’s face to cupping his neck, thumb over his Adam’s apple and threatening.

‘I killed him,’ Jongwoo says. He annunciates the words very clearly.

Seokyoon swallows.

‘Killed who, hyung?’ Not Moonjo, Seokyoon thinks. He really doesn’t want it to be Moonjo.

Jongwoo draws his fingers in, so that his hand lies against Seokyoon’s chest, less threatening. ‘My boss,’ he says. His lip trembles. ‘Jaeho-hyung.’

Jongwoo can surely feel Seokyoon’s relief, then, the tension that flows out of him because it’s not Moonjo. Because it’s not someone Seokyoon knows or cares about.

Perhaps that obvious relief unsettles Jongwoo; he removes his hand from Seokyoon and sits back.

‘What are you gonna do?’

‘That guy said he’d help.’ Jongwoo’s attention slides across the room, somewhere Seokyoon can’t reach him. ‘I’m not worried. I should be worried, don’t you think?’

‘But people will find out, won’t they?’ Seokyoon says. ‘Even if you … hid the body. He won’t show up for work, and then he’ll be reported missing …’ Seokyoon doesn’t want to upset Jongwoo, but he can’t help the fears spilling out of him.

Jongwoo, though, only laughs. ‘He’s not that reliable a boss,’ he says. ‘That guy said he’d take care of it. Make it look like Jaeho’s gone on a trip.’ The smile falls from Jongwoo’s face, as if he’s just realising who he’s put his faith in.

‘Maybe you should go on a trip too, hyung.’

‘That’s what a guilty person would do.’

‘But hyung. You can’t just get away with this.’

‘Why not? People get away with crimes all the time. Like with you.’ Jongwoo looks at him intently; his nose is mostly healed, but Seokyoon can feel the space where his tooth used to be.

‘That’s different,’ Seokyoon says. ‘That’s … I’m fine, no real damage done. But no-one can ignore a murder.’

‘Of course they can,’ Jongwoo says. ‘What do you think happened to the guy who had my room at Eden before me?’

‘You don’t know that.’

‘That’s what they do!’ Jongwoo says. ‘Those people – they kill and they get away with it. So why shouldn’t I?’ Jongwoo’s eyes are bright with righteousness.

‘You’re scaring me, hyung.’

Jongwoo’s eyes widen, and his face loses animation.

Seokyoon digs his hand into the couch. He hates that look on Jongwoo’s face, when he draws in on himself. ‘I mean, you guys must have had an argument, right? It’s not like it happened for no reason.’

‘Right.’

‘And … it was a mistake, right?’

Jongwoo doesn’t say anything.

Seokyoon wets his lips. Swallows. But before he can think of a way to get out of this, Jongwoo’s face comes alive again. He looks at Seokyoon with all the sincerity in the world.

‘What am I meant to do, Seokyoon? He did this … he wants to make me rely on him. He wants me to have to ask for help. I know I made a mistake, Seokyoon.’

He clasps a hand to Seokyoon’s knee, his voice filled with urgency.

Seokyoon’s hindbrain is a low call of panic. Does Jongwoo think it’s a mistake because he’s been forced to ask Moonjo for help, and not because a man is dead? Even the worst assholes don’t deserve to die for it.

‘You’re not going to leave me, right, Seokyoon?’

‘I won’t leave you.’ Seokyoon’s mouth is dry.

‘I don’t think I can stand it,’ Jongwoo says, so that Seokyoon says, ‘hey,’ and awkwardly puts his arms around him. Like he might be going to thump Jongwoo on the back, but Jongwoo crumples against him.

Maybe Seokyoon shouldn’t be making this sort of promise.

Maybe he should be calling the cops and telling them what Jongwoo has admitted. That Moonjo is an accomplice too, because if Moonjo is not then Seokyoon is well and truly fucked.

Only he’s fucked already, because he doesn’t think he can turn Jongwoo in. Not with Jongwoo collapsed against him like this, fragile as a bird. Seokyoon has that small power, to keep Jongwoo going or to break him completely. And who is to say which would be the kinder?

‘I’m not going anywhere,’ Seokyoon says. ‘If you need to run, I’ll help you run. Just … don’t rely on that guy too completely, okay?’

‘I know.’

And at the centre of that acknowledgement, Seokyoon thinks, is one truth: that they have to get rid of Moonjo. That Moonjo will always have power over them otherwise.

He’s just not sure he can live with what that will entail.

---

Jongwoo gets up and goes to work the next day. Seokyoon is on tenterhooks, expecting he’s going to get a call and find out Jongwoo has been arrested. But Jongwoo only returns home, a little earlier than usual in the evening.

‘How was it?’ Seokyoon asks.

‘It was,’ Jongwoo says, ‘surprisingly fine.’ He sounds surprised saying it too. ‘I guess this isn’t the first time Jaeho’s skipped work on a Friday.’ He looks like he doesn’t know what face to make, if he should be laughing at his hyung or grieving him or celebrating. ‘I kept waiting for someone to realise but that guy even used his phone to call in.’

‘He took his phone?’

‘He said he’d take care of things,’ Jongwoo says. Now his voice is slightly dreamy, and it makes Seokyoon’s heart constrict with jealousy.

‘So, what, that gives you at least the weekend?’ Seokyoon tries to say it casually, but the dreamy look flickers out of Jongwoo’s eyes. ‘I guess we should take advantage of it, then. Let me buy you barbeque.’

‘You don’t have to do that.’

‘Come on. It’ll be more fun than sitting here and fretting.’

‘Alright,’ Jongwoo says. ‘But you’re not paying.’

‘I want to.’

‘No.’ Jongwoo comes over to cup Seokyoon’s cheek abruptly.

‘You’ll let him help you cover up a crime,’ Seokyoon says, ‘but you don’t want him paying for this, huh?’

‘He did pay you, then?’ What could have been a caress turns into Jongwoo lifting Seokyoon’s chin. Seokyoon doesn’t hide from Jongwoo’s searching eyes.

‘I guess he got what he wanted,’ Seokyoon says.

Some dark thought crosses Jongwoo’s mind; he freezes cold. Seokyoon could wish he weren’t so temperamental. Gently, he takes Jongwoo’s hand to remove it from his face.

‘I’m paying. You’re gonna be out of a job soon anyway, remember.’

Jongwoo’s loses the frozen look. ‘How do you mean?’

‘Company’s not that big,’ Seokyoon says. ‘No boss, no job.’

He’s not sure this has occurred to Jongwoo until now. Fair enough. He clearly doesn’t want to think through the repercussions of his crime.

Seokyoon pats Jongwoo’s arm as he gets up. ‘But that’s next week’s problem. Come on.’

---

Jongwoo’s moodiness continues through dinner. Seokyoon has to coax him to eat; Jongwoo would probably happily subsist on liquor if he weren’t around. Or unhappily. Jongwoo might be more relaxed when he’s drunk, but that’s not the same as enjoying himself.

Seokyoon wonders if he’ll ever get to see Jongwoo smile. Really, properly smile, without inhibition or resentment.

He should have picked a different hostel to move into. One where the residents were less devastatingly attractive and fatal.

They can’t talk about anything that matters, because Jongwoo’s worries are no longer paranoia but his own crimes. So Seokyoon talks about his childhood instead. His hometown. Coaxes Jongwoo’s own reminiscences in turn.

Seokyoon is an only child, and when he asks Jongwoo how many in his family, Jongwoo holds up two fingers. Then he takes another drink, without explaining.

‘Are you the oldest, then?’ Seokyoon asks, because Jongwoo seems like he would be the oldest. He’s so serious. But Jongwoo shakes his head.

‘I have an older brother,’ he says. ‘If you can call him that.’

‘Oh?’

‘I used to pretend I was an only child,’ Jongwoo says. ‘People always found out though.’ He flashes his teeth in a grimace. ‘And then it’s like, you live in a house with an idiot, it must be catching. Or if it’s an adult then they expect you to be grown up about it. I just wanted to have an older brother who was normal.’

‘I get that,’ Seokyoon says carefully.

‘It was actually a relief when I went away to the army. That’s the sort of thing you’re not meant to say, right? But it didn’t matter what my family was like or how we lived. And if something happened with my brother, I didn’t have to deal with it. So it was a relief.’

It’s a lot for Jongwoo to say at once. Seokyoon just has to make listening noises. Jongwoo isn’t even looking at him, like the eye contact might be too hard, but that makes it easier for Seokyoon to watch his face without self-consciousness.

‘It was meant to be a relief coming home too,’ Jongwoo says, and he grimaces again. Then the grimace becomes a laugh, and he holds his head in his hands. ‘But I ended up like this instead. Fuck.’

‘Don’t talk like that,’ Seokyoon says. ‘Here, have some more food.’

He picks up the meat with his chopsticks and offers it to Jongwoo. ‘Come on.’

Reluctantly, Jongwoo opens his mouth and lets himself be fed. But the embarrassment at least is less dangerous than his laughter.

‘When did you start writing?’ Seokyoon asks. ‘At university?’

‘High school,’ Jongwoo says. ‘Not that it counts for much.’

‘It counts,’ Seokyoon says. ‘At least, you’ve gotta get the really terrible stuff out the way when you’re young, right? That’s what I tell myself, anyway.’

‘I wonder,’ Jongwoo says.

‘Not that I should compare myself to you,’ Seokyoon says. ‘You were probably really good even then.’

Jongwoo doesn’t say anything, not even anything self-deprecating. It’s not like Seokyoon really has any idea what Jongwoo’s writing is like; he’s only going off the impression Jongwoo gives. Jongwoo could try and be a little nice in return.

‘It wouldn’t matter if I was,’ Jongwoo says at last. ‘I never showed anyone back then. And I didn’t finish much anyway. I only got serious about it later. Or that’s what I tell myself.’ Jongwoo leans his chin against his hand. ‘I don’t think I could do what you do though. It’s hard enough just giving someone your work to read. Actually seeing their reactions, performing like that –’

‘Yeah, but that’s the fun part too,’ Seokyoon says. ‘Obviously if they’re enjoying it. But also when you’re getting ignored, or people are rude to you. Then that makes you want to do better.’

‘What if what you do is just too weird though?’ Jongwoo says. And then apologises. ‘Sorry, I don’t mean you.’

‘You think you might be too weird?’

Jongwoo lets out a little huff of air. ‘What a stupid thing to be thinking about right now.’

‘No, no. I guess if I thought that … maybe I wouldn’t busk in public. But I’d still try and find other places to perform. Where people would get it.’

Jongwoo nods, slowly. He has another drink, and eats without being prompted, and Seokyoon is relieved, because even if the situation is exactly the same, Jongwoo’s mood at least seems lighter.

---

Jongwoo’s improved mood continues through the evening. When they get home, and Seokyoon latches the door behind them, Jongwoo kisses him. Tugs Seokyoon against him and presses their mouths together. It takes Seokyoon by surprise, because kissing isn’t usually on the list of things they do.

‘I didn’t think you’d drunk that much,’ Seokyoon says, when they come up for air.

‘Why would I be drunk?’ Jongwoo says. As if they hadn’t gone through a couple of bottles through dinner.

‘Come on, hyung,’ Seokyoon says, forcing a laugh. ‘You don’t –’

Jongwoo kisses him again more forcefully, and backs Seokyoon up against the door. Then slides his hand against Seokyoon’s nape, cupping the back of his neck. Seokyoon was going to say you don’t have to but the words are pushed out of his mind.

Jongwoo drags at his lips with his teeth. But he’s gentle about it, somehow. Deliberate. Like he wants to remember it. He slides his knee between Seokyoon’s legs, and he places his hand over Seokyoon’s dick, feeling out the shape of it through the fabric of his trousers.

‘I want to forget all of this,’ Jongwoo says, his mouth hot against Seokyoon’s neck. ‘Can we?’

Seokyoon brushes a kiss against Jongwoo’s ear, and then he takes his hand and leads him to the bedroom.

---

They’ve never really kissed before. Or been naked together. Seokyoon’s seen Jongwoo naked, of course, but sex has always been an all or semi-clothed affair. But now Jongwoo pulls his clothes off him with an urgency that overwhelms Seokyoon. And it overwhelms him to have Jongwoo strip for him too, because Jongwoo is that gorgeous, and Seokyoon thinks, whatever Moonjo has manipulated them into, he’s never seen Jongwoo this way. Naked with intent.

Jongwoo doesn’t leave Seokyoon gawping, but closes the distance between them, tumbles him back onto the bed with their mouths joined. Jongwoo rubs against him, grabbing Seokyoon’s skin – his back or his neck – until Seokyoon forces Jongwoo onto his back so that he can slide kisses down Jongwoo’s stomach. Until he can take Jongwoo’s cock in his mouth.

And he’s pretty sure that, for a while, he does manage to make Jongwoo forget everything else. And the surprising part is that, after Seokyoon gets him off, Jongwoo flips Seokyoon back over on the bed and returns the favour.

Seokyoon doesn’t think Jongwoo has done this before. He’s clumsy about it, with too much teeth, but for once at least Seokyoon doesn’t feel like a substitute for something else; he thinks that Jongwoo is sucking him off because Jongwoo wants to suck him off. Like Seokyoon actually means something to him.

Seokyoon warns Jongwoo when he’s about to come, but Jongwoo doesn’t entirely get out the way; Seokyoon ends up spilling over his mouth. It’s filthily sexy. And it’s something Moonjo has never seen.

Jongwoo wipes his mouth, and he looks at Seokyoon’s come smeared on his hand like it’s a surprise somehow.

‘Wow, hyung,’ Seokyoon says, and Jongwoo meets his eyes, startled and vulnerable looking. ‘I didn’t know you had it in you.’

Jongwoo retains the startled look. And Seokyoon, aware that Jongwoo is somehow about to back out of what he’s done, sits upright and drags him into another kiss. One to which Jongwoo yields, as if it’s easier to be kissed than to process the situation.

It shouldn’t be so different from anything they’ve done before. Except that, somehow, it is. Because Jongwoo has made himself vulnerable to Seokyoon. Because Seokyoon knows his secrets. Not just his fears, but his sins. Larger and smaller.

And if the cops come to take Jongwoo away tomorrow, somehow Seokyoon feels it will have been worth it.